Tag Archives: The Lyrical Lesbian

Where are the Lesbians Between the Pages?

26 Mar

In the waning era (Hallelujah/hopefully) of Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey, my inner-lesbian-spirit has been indefinitely vomiting all over the place.  As I wrote in an earlier entry (Read Here), all of my friends are hot blooded heterosexual women and some of them have read and even thoroughly enjoyed reading these series of… novels?  Imagine myself as I sit trying to comprehend the appeal and want to find a charming, dominating, heroic, type of man.  I can’t, because I don’t want that obviously.  Not all heterosexual women want that either of course.  What I’m gathering at is that in 2013, it is like searching for a needle in a haystack trying to find any inkling of a lesbian romance in a novel.  In fact, finding a lesbian romance between women over the age of 17 seems to be a made up concept not available on mainstream bookstore shelves.  Although, some material may be available in smaller, more independent book stores.  Or maybe a feminist book store like Women & Women First.

If you don’t watch Portlandia then you probably have no clue about this. You should watch this show though because it’s hilarious.

The first time I sought out a story that my lesbian spirit could relate to, I thought Barnes & Noble would be a great place to start because they seem to have everything and if they don’t they can find it for you.  I eagerly walked in and headed straight to the desk where I asked the attendant where I could find the LGBT section in the store.  He then proceded to tell me that they were in the process of eliminating that section because people have been arguing that segregating the books into their own category is not conducive to progression… Or something like that.  Basically, treating the books as something different than other books is not ideal.  Personally, I’m okay with the section because it makes it easier for me to find the things I want!  Nonetheless, there was one book case that had a shelf labeled “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered” nestled between I believe African American and some other marginalized culture.  I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to find half a shelf of material for me to pick from.  None of the choices were fiction, and there was some erotica, personal accounts, and short stories.  The book I was looking for was located in the Young Adult section, which makes sense but I was hoping to find more than what I did.  I’ve read two books so far that explore young girls discovering their sexuality while unsuspectedly falling in love with another girl.

I think both books are proficient in describing the pain, fear, and sometimes denial from loved ones, that comes with acknowledging one’s sexuality for the first time.  I completed  Annie on my Mind today.  While the book’s 1982 publishing date is a bit dated, I thoroughly enjoyed the story of Liza and Annie.  It’s nice to get a perspective of obstacles faced by the LGBT community growing up in a time before the Internet and explosion of user created content.  Your information either came from small entries in Encyclopedias, or if you were brave enough, you checked out books about homosexuality in the library.  Keeping You a Secret was published in 2003 and does a better job illustrating a more modern day homophobia.  The type where people have the opportunity to be appropriately informed about homosexuality, but choose to remain ignorant about it.

2003 was a decade ago and I think it’s time for more romance plots to be between two girls (or women).  There’s been a clear increase of lesbian visibility on television so I’m hopeful there will be a change in the literature department soon.  Obviously this will require more lesbian authors to emerge or those willing to attack such a controversial subject with accuracy and passion (also publishers and whatever else comes with publishing).  I know there is an infinite number of lesbian short stories and fan fiction available online, but it’s not the same as holding a physical book in hand, knowing that someone thought your story was important enough to print and publish to the world.  Young girls struggling with their sexuality deserve to see themselves in the books they read.  If anything, they deserve to escape to a world where they can feel comfortable and safe inside the pages of a book.  If I don’t see anything soon maybe I should try writing something like my story.

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You Fell In Love With ANOTHER Straight Girl

28 Feb

gay

Ah… The L Word, we meet again.  The show was so perfect because it really made an effort to address essentially all issues pertaining to lesbians no matter how farfetched the plot eventually became.  Dana hits the nail on the head sharing with Tina her frustrating and repetitive habit of being attracted to straight girls.  I, Dana Fairbanks, am all too familiar with that activity.  In fact, it’s largely all I’ve ever known…  Going through this event is a rite of passage of sorts for baby dykes, but for me it’s no longer a rite of passage but expected occurrence.

If I could be psychic and warn my future self not to gain any feelings or attachments to particular girls, I would.  But alas I have no special powers and am constantly left to slowly drown in heartbreak followed by feeling like a complete and utter moron for being falsely seduced by straight girls.  Is it my fault?  I suppose some of the blame can be put on me but then again, can you really help who you fall for?

If my numbers are correct, my count of “straight girls I have fallen for/all have had some physical contact with me” is currently too high for my liking.  How does this happen?  Generally, it begins as a friendship like most relationships, but feelings ultimately evolve as the two get closer and someone does or says something that is outside what is considered the platonic realm.  I know women tend to be more nurturing and emotional creatures so it is not too strange for female friendships to be more intimate than male friendships.  But it’s a whole different softball game when one member of the friendship is attracted to the same sex.  I don’t know how I find these girls or how they find me, but ever since 8th grade I’ve managed to befriend a girl who identifies as straight but ends up locking lips with me on more than one occasion along with confessing, in one way or another, their (not-so-sounding-platonic) love for me.  When I’m attracted to someone I let them know by my actions and words, even if it’s a girl who generally dates men ( I CAN’T HELP IT).  I think it’s up to them to sit your ass down and be like “Look… I love you you big dyke.  But I’m not into you like that.”   The earlier that conversation happens the better because you can begin the healing process and possibly get back to being just good friends.  Thankfully, all of my straight mistakes learning experiences have done that for me even if it was much too late in the friendship and after multiple times of embracing each other with our lips and cuddling.

The most difficult part of getting past the “I’ve fallen for a straight girl and can’t get up” is believing them when they say they’re straight.  It doesn’t matter how many times they kiss you, how many times they cuddle with you, how many gifts they give you, how many times they tell you things remind them of you… THEY ARE STRAIGHT.  Or maybe they aren’t straight but don’t feel comfortable labeling themselves as anything else but straight (labels are for cans) because the whole situation is new and different for them.  In that case it’s not up to you to force them into something they’re not ready to address in their lives.  The second most difficult part of moving on is moving on.  How do you get past someone you felt so deeply for?  I’m the wrong person to ask because when I decide I like someone, I like them long past the expiration date.  Writing, crying, reading, playing (guitar) and talking to friends have all helped me with the healing process.  When all else fails… watch a Hannah Hart video.  This one in particular:

Hannah says it best I think.  Someone will eventually come along and think everything you do is super duper cute and they’ll reciprocate the feelings you have for them 100% and not just half the time.  I know it’s hard but you just have to be patient and know that there is nothing wrong with you because you were rejected by a straight girl.

All Your Friends Are Heterosexual But You’re Not…

20 Feb

Hot Damn

You know what’s so great about this photo of lovely women above?  Not only are they sexy and seemingly fun-loving people, but they’re friends… And they’re all lesbians.  Having a group of female friends who adore and loathe women in the same way you do is pretty much a distant fantasy for me at the moment.  That’s why I tend to search high and low for any type of media that depicts close knit lesbian friendships so I can get a small taste of what it might be like.

My lack of lesbian friends could possibly be blamed on the fact that I was born, raised, went to school, and still live in the midwest.  The midwest being southwestern Ohio.  Cincinnati isn’t the smallest city, but I do not reside in any of the “progressive” areas.  Part of the blame could also be that I never really put any extra effort into making some lesbian friends.  While I attended University I did participate in the campuses LGBTQ organization (Spectrum).  But I never really found anyone I clicked with in the group.  It wasn’t until senior year that I finally found a “secret” group of lesbians.  I guess they weren’t exactly secret but I had never seen any of them doing things with Spectrum.  Anyhow, I didn’t have enough time to get to really know any of them and thus I graduated with one lesbian friend.  Luckily, my heterosexual friends are some of the greatest gifts that have ever been bestowed upon me.

All of my friends that I put into the “best friend” category all self identify (to my knowledge) as heterosexual.  They have been the most supporting and uplifting bunch of people I could’ve asked for.  From the moment I came out officially six years ago, to typing right here right now, not one of them has left me because of my sexuality.  I know there are kids out there who cannot say the same and I am forever grateful.  They listen to me complain about girls and cry over all the heterosexual girls I’ve fallen for (more on that later.  I could write a saga).  Even though they can’t specifically relate, they still do their best to console me and give me great bits of advice.  While I am appreciative of this, there’s an odd lingering feeling when all your friends are talking about their boyfriends and you kind of feel like an outlier.  Well technically I am an outlier I suppose.  I am infinitely surrounded by heteronormative music, television, film, friends, and sometimes you just want a small sense of complete belonging.

So what do you do when you can’t find your community in person?  You find that community elsewhere.  The easiest way to go about this is obviously the online world.  Tumblr is pretty much rainbows puking up rainbows and it’s fantastic because for a moment you feel like everyone finally understands you.  They talk about LGBTQ issues, share images they find attractive and why, talk about lesbian sex without any awkwardness, and truly embrace their identities as women who love women.  There are also websites like AfterEllen, which I lived and breathed on when I first came out.  They eloquently share lesbian news, music, film, tv, etc, while providing a safe space for lesbians to discuss various topics.  There’s also Cherry Grrl, which is “a little website with the goal of bringing more visibility to lesbian projects.”  Autostraddle is another good one.  These are just some of the main sites I wander to when I need some real lesbian content in my life.  In addition to the online Universe, you can also go out into the real world and scope out some known lesbian hot spots in your city.  I know there’s a stereotype in the lesbian community that every girl either has slept with or knows every other lesbian in a 100 mile radius.   So far from what I’ve read of some cities, this seems true.  From what I’ve experienced/seen of the seemingly smallish lesbian community in my city, it’s not really my cup of tea.  I know I just haven’t found the right lesbian scene yet and I’m hopeful I’ll find it in the future preferably in a different zipcode.  It takes patience to be gay if you haven’t figured that out already.

So if you’re like me in this situation, don’t fret!  Remind your heterosexual friends that you’re appreciative of them while seeking out a community that will fit your needs.  Also don’t feel pressured to befriend the first lesbian you meet just because you’ve never had a lesbian friend.  You can’t force a close friendship.  Just go with the flow baby.  Although I know how that sense of urgency feels and how hard it can be to resist something you’re desperately seeking.  But try to be patient.

-The Lyrical Lesbian

Why The Lyrical Lesbian?

8 Feb

Let me just start off in the most cliché way I know how:  A DEFINITION!

Search "lyrical" find this

Lyrical:  Expressing the writer’s emotions in an imaginative and beautiful way.

If you know me or get to know me you will discover that my emotions control a lot of what I do.  I’m the kind of person who needs to let someone know how I feel about them or else it consumes my thoughts and plays on repeat inside my head causing deep exhaustion.  This goes for platonic friends, unrequited lovers, random people I pass in public, people who make me feel something, etc.  It even goes for music, which is a whole other blog entry.  Basically, if I feel something about anything there will be a sentence scribbled, song played, poem typed, or entry written about it somewhere.  While my writing is far from being technically sound I hope it makes up in the ability to touch someone… In the comforting way like when the weather is perfect and still in the spring.  My brain operates similarly to a blender except when ingredients begin overflowing down the sides no one is there to turn it off, and things just keep getting added.  It’s all very confusing.

As for the second title of my name:  Lesbian.  At the moment in the month of February 2013 I self-identify as a lady lover.  I’ll tell the whole story in a later entry.  Later entry as in the next one because it’s something that means a lot to me.  I know sexuality is just a portion of who I am but it’s a significant one and I love to talk about it!  So talk about it I will.

Thank You for reading your introduction 101 to The Lyrical Lesbian.