Tag Archives: The L Word

I Hope I Have A (Longterm) Lesbian Co-Worker One Day

12 Aug

Adulthood.  What an intimidating word.  Images of bills, endless responsibility, distancing friendships, and full-time+ work.  Eventually your coworkers become a family of sorts  because you spend the majority of your time with them.  I genuinely consider many of my coworkers (past and present) a part of my family.  They make me feel safe, they give me confidence, confide in me, share things with me, and make me laugh.  These things are great, but there always feels like something is missing.  Like I can’t be myself completely because they just won’t understand an important part of me, and that is no fault of theirs.

I’ve held a job since I was old enough to drive myself back and fourth to work during the summers.  Out of those 7 years I’ve only had one open-ish LGBTQ coworker, and the experience was unlike any other I’ve had.  We only worked together for a few months before she left, but I cherished our time together.  We could talk freely and openly about our lady experiences together.  I know it’s possible to have that conversation with heterosexual coworkers, but the same connection and understanding would be impossible to have.

For all my heterosexual readers: Imagine that you worked in an environment where you were the only heterosexual identifying employee.  How would that make you feel?  How would you feel listening to two men talk about their night at a gay club, or girlfriends talking about where (or what… hehe) they ate the previous night?  Maybe they share stories about being discriminated against because they held hands walking down the street or the people they’re attracted to.  Maybe you wouldn’t feel so out of place the first time.  But imagine that happening repeatedly five days a week for 3 decades.  You possibly start longing for an acquaintance.  Someone who can uniquely relate to your experiences.

I dream of working in a corporation where my boss identifies as LGBT or at least a handful of coworkers.  I’m sure their sexuality would be non-factor in business operations, but I would feel an unspoken connection and pride working for/with them.  My heart would swell with joy knowing I could be wholly myself and talk about my troubles without worrying about the consequences or unsolicited and inappropriate commentary.  I dream of working with professional lesbians because I don’t know any.  Everyone likes a role model, and I am no different.  I’d love nothing more than Bette Porter ordering me around the office or Ellen Degeneres critiquing me on what I could improve upon, while Lena and Stef have lunch with me.  Hell, I’d even take out J. Crew president Jenna Lyons telling me how disgusting my style is.  I think you get my point by now.

Now… I’m sure my chances of ever working with a lesbian in a workplace resembling corporate America ( not as dusty or traditional) is very slim.  Until then I’ll just continue my journey of finding some really good lesbian girlfriends.  Still don’t have any of those either.  Actually there is one girl and she’s awesome and understands the way my brain works and she’s currently dating a girl so we share things.  Baby steps people.  Keep hope alive.

Love who you love.


You Fell In Love With ANOTHER Straight Girl

28 Feb


Ah… The L Word, we meet again.  The show was so perfect because it really made an effort to address essentially all issues pertaining to lesbians no matter how farfetched the plot eventually became.  Dana hits the nail on the head sharing with Tina her frustrating and repetitive habit of being attracted to straight girls.  I, Dana Fairbanks, am all too familiar with that activity.  In fact, it’s largely all I’ve ever known…  Going through this event is a rite of passage of sorts for baby dykes, but for me it’s no longer a rite of passage but expected occurrence.

If I could be psychic and warn my future self not to gain any feelings or attachments to particular girls, I would.  But alas I have no special powers and am constantly left to slowly drown in heartbreak followed by feeling like a complete and utter moron for being falsely seduced by straight girls.  Is it my fault?  I suppose some of the blame can be put on me but then again, can you really help who you fall for?

If my numbers are correct, my count of “straight girls I have fallen for/all have had some physical contact with me” is currently too high for my liking.  How does this happen?  Generally, it begins as a friendship like most relationships, but feelings ultimately evolve as the two get closer and someone does or says something that is outside what is considered the platonic realm.  I know women tend to be more nurturing and emotional creatures so it is not too strange for female friendships to be more intimate than male friendships.  But it’s a whole different softball game when one member of the friendship is attracted to the same sex.  I don’t know how I find these girls or how they find me, but ever since 8th grade I’ve managed to befriend a girl who identifies as straight but ends up locking lips with me on more than one occasion along with confessing, in one way or another, their (not-so-sounding-platonic) love for me.  When I’m attracted to someone I let them know by my actions and words, even if it’s a girl who generally dates men ( I CAN’T HELP IT).  I think it’s up to them to sit your ass down and be like “Look… I love you you big dyke.  But I’m not into you like that.”   The earlier that conversation happens the better because you can begin the healing process and possibly get back to being just good friends.  Thankfully, all of my straight mistakes learning experiences have done that for me even if it was much too late in the friendship and after multiple times of embracing each other with our lips and cuddling.

The most difficult part of getting past the “I’ve fallen for a straight girl and can’t get up” is believing them when they say they’re straight.  It doesn’t matter how many times they kiss you, how many times they cuddle with you, how many gifts they give you, how many times they tell you things remind them of you… THEY ARE STRAIGHT.  Or maybe they aren’t straight but don’t feel comfortable labeling themselves as anything else but straight (labels are for cans) because the whole situation is new and different for them.  In that case it’s not up to you to force them into something they’re not ready to address in their lives.  The second most difficult part of moving on is moving on.  How do you get past someone you felt so deeply for?  I’m the wrong person to ask because when I decide I like someone, I like them long past the expiration date.  Writing, crying, reading, playing (guitar) and talking to friends have all helped me with the healing process.  When all else fails… watch a Hannah Hart video.  This one in particular:

Hannah says it best I think.  Someone will eventually come along and think everything you do is super duper cute and they’ll reciprocate the feelings you have for them 100% and not just half the time.  I know it’s hard but you just have to be patient and know that there is nothing wrong with you because you were rejected by a straight girl.

Why Women Hypnotize Me

19 Feb
“I love their voice, their eyes, their hair, their curves, their bodies, their laugher.  The sadness, the wetness.  See everything about women I love.  Touching them, feeling their skin against mine, making them feel good.  See I respect them and I respect myself.”

Of course I wouldn’t be a real lesbian if I didn’t have some L Word reference in one of my posts.  I’m kidding.   That is a terrible stereotype and not every lesbian watches The L Word incessantly and knows every season like the cuffs on their plaid button ups (I however do own every season on DVD.  It was a life changing show and I’m still waiting for another show with similar sentiments).

People always ask me why I like women because apparently there is a generous portion of the male and female population who think women are psychotic.  I like to use the terms “beautifully complex” or “insufferably intoxicating” but I suppose psychotic does the job.  I think it’s that complexity I am attracted to.  I know men can be complex as well but my brain must not be able to pick up on and feel those wavelengths.  Women are the puzzles that come with an infinite number of pieces with extra pieces that don’t fit.  It is possible to be addicted to complexity and sometimes I feel as though I have that addiction.  I like the challenge and I like the mystery.

Physically…  Physically.  Consult the quote above.  Papi said it best.

A woman’s voice:  When she’s satisfied.  When she’s tired.  When she’s hurt and on the verge of tears.  When she’s happy.  I can hear and sense every minute change in a woman’s voice and they all change the texture of my skin.  Women with lower pitched voices are especially attractive to me.

Their hair:  Long.  Short.  Straight.  Curly.  One shade.  Ombre.  Three shades.  It’s this variety I love.  The way it flows when she walks away from me.  The way I can play with it for hours voluntarily.  A woman’s hair is one of my favorite ways she expresses her current mood.

Their curves/bodies:  I mean come on… What person with a beating heart has never found themselves lusting over a pair of really great breasts?  Personally I am an ass girl.  To me a woman’s body is like a pendulum.  I cannot stop staring especially when they’re walking or dancing.  It’s such a fluid motion.  Curved lower backs leading to Dimples of Venus.  Everything is soft and quiet making any subtle change in textures noticeable.

Is there anything more attractive than a confident and strong woman?  Women who take charge of themselves and walk down the sidewalk like they laid the cement are my kryptonite.  Women who kick ass in the gym so much so that men stop with jaws dropped to appreciate their strength.  Did you see the film “Zero Dark Thirty?”  Jessica Chastain’s role turned me on so much because she did not take shit from anyone and stood her ground despite all the doubt that surrounded her.  Confidence is sexy readers.

I could go on and on.  If I ever find myself attracted you I’ll probably write you a poem about it.  Now you know a little bit of where my attraction stems from.  So if any of you heterosexuals out there wander onto my page, don’t ask your lesbian friend how is it possible they can be attracted to women.  Our brains can’t help it.


Go kiss a girl if you’ve never experienced the wonders.