Tag Archives: Lesbians

Lesbians Get Me To Watch Bad Television

10 Jan

ladytragik.com

arifitz.com

The first thing that comes to mind at the utterance of “bad television” is of course reality… I mean “reality” television.  It’s cheap to produce, essentially writes itself,  no complexity, no sets, and there will always be hoards of desperate citizens lining up to audition for their 15 minutes of fame.  What a great business formula.  My first memories of watching reality TV and being completely enthralled lie with Cops, Rescue 911, early American Idol, and of course The Real World.  The only one I’m still very devout to is The Real World and all spinoffs that have born and died i.e. Road Rules and subsequent challenges.  Currently I am watching VH1’s Couples Therapy (shudders in disgust) and The Real World: Ex-plosion because they have resident lesbians and I am weak and cannot resist.

Screen Shot 2014-01-10 at 2.24.33 PM

First on the menu is the lesbian world’s volatile poster-couple Whitney and Sara.  Or is it Sada now?  When did she change that?  Anyway, they’re on television airing out all their dirty button ups.  After the first episode I was just thrilled to seem them on my TV screen.  After the second episode I was ready to throw myself off the nearest elevated point.  Clearly I understood before viewing that Whitey and Sada would not be the focal point of the show, but I don’t think their participation is enough to keep me watching (totally kidding it is).  I am only watching the show because I crave real life lesbians on my television even if it’s through the lens of unsavory VH1 programming.  I will accept the fact that this is no The Real L Word  and there is no lesbian sex, no other lesbians, and will listen to the wild stories brought to me by the other quasi-famous heterosexual couples.  No offense hetero world but the only celebrity heterosexual couple I care about is Beyoncé and Jay Z.  Maybe Whitney and Sada will tell us something we did not already know about their relationship.  Here, have a laugh at AfterEllen’s Couples Therapy recap by Chloë, she’s quite the looker.  Oh and here’s the second episode recap.

arifitz.com

Next on the menu is the delectable main course and she goes by the name Ari Fitz, The Real World’s resident lesbian.  Mind you, as you should know, The Real World is the the origin of reality TV and they did it right.  The show hasn’t always been on my list of crap television.  They used to tell beautiful stories by sticking seven strangers in a house.  Now… exaggerated, alcohol-fueled drama gets the views.  After airing for 22 years I can see how the charm faded.  Before you continue reading here, check out the informative interview AfterEllen conducted to learn a little about this magnificent and gorgeous woman.  Ari Fitz.  The name just seems appropriate for a sensible badass, in which she fulfills.  A young woman of color, with natural hair, who is open about her sexuality?  I am so onboard for this season and her experiences.  After one episode I have a feeling I am going to love her presence and relate to her more than any of the other 29 seasons of cast members.  She seems ambitious, compassionate, and confident with her being.  If I ever had the opportunity to interview her, many of my questions would attest to her intersectionality:

  1. Have you always been aware of your sexuality?
  2. Were you hesitant when you discovered this aspect of yourself?
  3. Were you raised in a predominantly white environment?
  4. If so, did that affect your opinion of other blacks who were raised in predominantly black or mixed environments?
  5. Your ex on the show is white, have you always dated white women?  Have you felt guilt for doing so?
  6. Were you ever worried your partner would say or infer something racist and not be able to understand why that was problematic?
  7. As you grew and became more educated and experienced adult life, has your perception of being a black and gay woman evolved?

These are just a few of the questions I would ask because as a black and gay woman myself, I’ve asked myself the same things recently.  Being a part of two disenfranchised groups and yet assimilating (if that’s what she did) is truly a unique experience and the story should be told honestly.  Sometimes we watch TV to escape and others we watch to see ourselves and our stories.  While it is not Ari’s or Mtv’s responsibility to tell that story, it would be pretty awesome if viewers could catch a glimpse of it.  Either way I am quite ecstatic to see her story unfold.

Disclaimer: I did not talk about her physical appearance  because she’s more than that but hot damn is she not sexy?  I mean she is a model but wow.  I am so very attracted.  Shout out to all the femme lesbians of the world, she’s making you visible!  I am a dater of femmes so I am extra pumped to watch her do her thang.

Hooray for indulging in trash TV.  Sometimes you need it to cleanse your refined palette.

Advertisements

Blue is the Warmest Color: Not a Lesbian Film

18 Nov

**Spoilers Ahead**  Also  jumbling of random thoughts as the film is very long and I will probably be piecing together my feelings until I see it again.

After months of anxiously waiting, Googling, and Youtubing the internationally acclaimed film Blue is the Warmest Color, I finally got to indulge myself in all 179 minutes of emotionally charged  glory.  This is the first film involving a relationship between two women that didn’t register as a “lesbian film” in my mind but rather a story about self-discovery and exchanging energy rivaling that of the sun.  I walked out the theatre feeling emotionally exhausted and headed straight to the sushi bar with my friends to share reactions and alcohol.  Despite the length of the story I was enthralled the entire time because (obviously) I’m biased towards illustrations of same-sex relationships.  The shots were beautiful and simple, often with warm glows accompanying scenes of intense passion or happiness.  Extreme close ups were used during the most intimate scenes such as eating, kissing, and sex; something we’re not used to seeing in American films.

The infamous and well-lit sex scene started off sensually from my perspective.  I could feel their raw passion being released as they deeply explored each others bodies.  But the longer it progressed the more uncomfortable it got (not to me per say) and I really did not see how the addition contributed any more to the scene or film as a whole.  The male gaze was strongly present here as many articles have pointed out but it didn’t ruin my experience because I received the scene as another step in the evolution of their relationship and demonstration of human beings succumbing to their visceral, carnal desires.  Either way, I thought it was pretty damn sexy.  Another point of probable contention was Adéle’s infidelity with her male coworker, occurring approximately a few or so years into their relationship. Some saw this as the typical queer narration of the “straight” girl going back to guy.  Clearly that is not the case here.  Emma focused much of her time and energy in her work, which made Adéle feel undesired and under appreciated so she sought out another being who could fill the voids.  Attraction of any sort due to proximity is very common and so her decisions or mistakes have some validity.  I’m not condoning her cheating, but Adéle’s condition after Emma ferociously dismissed her from their shared home was indicative of her not “going back to men.”

It was almost physically painful to watch Adéle begin her monotonous life devoid of passion and energy.  She regresses back to her High School self, sleeping sprawled out and child-like, having sexual fantasies, and being mostly alone.  One of the most heartbreaking scenes came towards the end when Emma met Adéle in a café to reconnect.  Adéle’s intentions were obvious even before Emma sat down.  She was waiting poised, primped, and had ordered a glass of white wine, of which she called Emma’s stepdad to make sure it was a favorite of Emma’s.  Emma refused the wine and instead ordered a coffee.  Typical questions of ex lovers were passed back and fourth until Adéle asked Emma if she was sexually satisfied with her new lover (who has a child).  After ambiguously responding, Adéle aggressively and I suppose passionately kisses Emma and directs her hand to the crotch of her tights.  They briefly continue the heated moment in the public space until Emma stops, ultimately ending Adéle’s last efforts to win the love of her life back.  Emma then eloquently states that she has a family now but will always have “infinite tenderness” [for Adéle].  That was when mine and Adéle’s tears flowed in harmony, continuing as Emma got up and walked out, back to the love waiting for her at home.  I teared up because I could see and feel Adéle’s burning desperation.  Her emptiness.  I wanted to jump through the screen and give her words of advice from Sheryl Crow, “the first cut is the deepest.”

Overall, Blue is the Warmest Color met and maybe exceeded my expectations.   I enjoyed watching the passage of love between two very different individuals.  I am delighted the film was French not only for the beautiful language but for the French aesthetic.  Little dialogue and a lot of Mise-en-scène, cigarettes, and eating.  It forced the viewer to  focus on emotions told through eyes and mouths.  In an interview (they are so adorable and attractive) Adéle described the story as one about “skin, close ups, mouths, itching, and cumming” so they had to let their bodies speak.  It is perfect example of showing not telling and that really resonates with me.  The high-tensioned moments were dispersed among mostly uneventful scenes, which may be a more accurate portrayal of love than your average love stories.  The fact that my mind truly did not register this as a distinctly lesbian film, I think means that love honestly was the focus and not the sexuality of the characters.  I am looking forward to seeing how Blue performs during award season and the impact, if any, it makes in the future of film in terms same sex relationships.  Who knows, maybe we can get an actual queer person to write and direct one day!  If nothing else, see the film to gawk at the beauty (and bodies) and talent of Léa Seydoux and Adéle Exarchopoulos.

suicideblonde.tumblr.com

I’m partial to Adéle.  The shape of her lips are so curious and irresistible to me.

fashnberry.com

You Got Your Orientation Wrong

11 Nov

glauxnest.blogspot

Exhalation of relief…  You’re feeling weightless and naked.  After all of these months, years, you’ve finally come to terms with yourself that you are indeed sexually and/or romantically attracted to people of the same gender.  With such bravery and confidence you bare your soul and come out to the people in your life who mean the most.  They accept and support you more than you could have ever asked.  The road before you is paved and ready to discover life as you’ve always imagined it could  be.  Bright, colorful, vibrant, exciting. Exhalation.

A couple of years have passed since your revelation and you’ve bloomed ever so beautifully into your being.  Girls have come and gone, which is fine because you’re exploring what you like and don’t like.  You mostly frequent heterosexual establishments (because there are no gay bars around) and have no trouble catching the attention of male admirers (No offense to the male population, but all a woman has to do is exist and you swarm.  This is also my discontent with women not approaching me with such ease, manifesting).  With all of this male attention your mind starts to wander back over to the land of heterosexual, one that you’ve actually never visited.  A sort of panic rushes over you.

These thoughts of being with men start to intrigue you and your curiosity grows.  You become confused because you can’t figure out if your curiosity for men stems from your lack of attention and relationships with women or if you’re genuinely curious.  In reality, experimenting with a man for the first time after many women is not that big of a deal.  But in your head and your heart it goes against everything you’ve been piecing together about yourself since childhood.  What does it all mean?  After all, you are a red blooded woman and your biological urges still exist despite your declared sexuality.  I’m talking about sex.  You get urges and maybe you start to realize that for you, it doesn’t matter what gender the person satisfying you in that arena is.  Does this mean you’re not gay then?

This brings up the whole complex web/umbrella/scale of sexuality of which I claim to be no expert about at all.  Sometimes you can be sexually attracted to both genders and only romantically attracted to one or the other.  How do you deal with that?  Mention having a fling with a man and your friends will respond  “Told you!  We knew you were straight.”  Or maybe your parents will clasp their hands together thankful that your “phase” is finally over.  Obviously both responses are irrational because sexuality is not  black and white, but most people find it difficult to grasp that concept.  How does that affect you emotionally?  I imagine  the emotions are similar to coming out as something other than heterosexual.  It must be even more difficult especially if you’re a “Goldstar Lesbian” because it’s like My Whole Life has Been a Lie: Part II.  All of this could be avoided if our culture wasn’t sustained on a three choice orientation system.

You’re either gay, straight, or bisexual (but they get a lot of shit).  If orientation was taught, discussed, and accepted more widely on the scale system like it really is, we wouldn’t have such a need to declare a sexuality.  We  would also be less fearful to admit to ourselves and others when our desires and attractions change. We are human beings.  We are meant to grow, evolve, and discover ourselves.  Discovering who you are is both frightening and rewarding I know.  It takes practice, but eventually you’ll make all the decisions that correlate to your happiness.  I’m still working on that too.  We’re all getting there.  We’ll get there someday.  You didn’t get your orientation wrong, you just found something else that also floats your boat.

My Coming Out Story.

18 Oct

At 23 posts I suppose it’s about that time I share my “coming out” story with my readers.  My apologies for my lack of posting (if anyone cares).  I’ve been a tad busy trying to be a real adult, which is rather challenging…  And my apologies for how wordy and unnecessary the following stories will seem:

I consider myself quite fortunate to be one of those lesbians who subconsciously knew she was different at about age 10.  I recall chasing girls around the playground and wanting to hold their hands much more than the boys; and that didn’t seem strange or abnormal to me at all.  I just knew that it was girls who made my stomach do backflips, and it felt good, and I wanted more.  To this day I still remember the girl that stole my heart at the jungle gym.  She’s married now (holy shit I must be old.  23 isn’t old), but even still when people ask me when did I know I was gay, I always mention her and my heart flickers a bit because she’s the one that started it all.

In 8th grade when girls started to experiment with boys and talk about them all the time I remember participating in conversations but I felt disconnected.  But like every year of my life it seems, there was a girl I had a crush on and we had this (what I thought) was an unspoken attraction.  I didn’t know what we had and I was probably misinterpreting everything per usual, but there was a reason I cried the day she moved and I never saw her again.  Such a sap I am.  In between her was another crush on someone who used to be my best friend (I know we were 2 way crushin’ on the first girl) and we played softball together.  GO FIGURE.  All the attractive and cool guys wanted her and she eventually picked one of them to be her long term boyfriend.  I was devastated especially because I thought we had some weird unspoken attraction as well.  I’m hardly wrong about those unspoken attractions.  Fast forward a few years and what do you know she’s dating a woman and they’re still together to this day!  All the while with these crushes, my ultimate crush was on this “gothic” beauty Amy Lee from Evanescence.

If you took a peep at all of my notebooks and binders from 7th grade though High School there was a 96% chance that Evanescence symbol would be scribbled somewhere.  This woman was the first significant female celebrity crush I had.  I owned every poster, magazine cover and article, CD, saw her in concert, and even had some autographed concert tickets and a belt buckle she apparently wore during one of her concerts.  Needless to say I was completely obsessed.  Fast forward to the latter days of High School and I was ready to come out to my friends.

The great thing about my High School friends (who are still my good friends) is that they were and still are the forward thinkers, the intellectuals, and the “hippies” so to speak.  I couldn’t ask for better friends.  I told different groups of friends at different times and they all had the same reaction: Explosive laughter and a bunch of “we’ve always knowns.”  What a relief. I  knew they would react that way but your first time coming out to meaningful people is difficult.  Fast forward to my freshman year of University and I was ready to come out to my parents.  *cue foreboding music*

Ah yes, the dreaded coming out to your parents.  What a stressful and anxiety ridden period.  Before I came out I bought Chaz Bono’s (then Chastity) book Family Outing: A GUIDE TO THE COMING-OUT PROCESS FOR GAYS, LESBIANS AND THEIR FAMILIES and studied the pages as if I had finals that week.  Once I felt confident enough in myself with the backing up friends and my roommates, I plotted my plan (I’m so grateful for the friends I made at University because they really helped me through a lot and I truly could not ask for better confidants).  I decided the best way to communicate with my parents would be to write two heartfelt letters because I wanted to make sure I was as thorough and clear as possible.  My parents are divorced so I had to do this twice.  I strategically gave my dad his letter a couple hours before he left for a week long vacation.  Mind you it took me at least an hour to build up the courage and hand it to him before I ran away and buried my head under pillows.  He read it, cried, hugged me, and apologized for making gay jokes in the past and proceeded to explain to me the kind of environment he grew up in and their opinions on gay people.  I eventually gave him the Chaz Bono book and he still has it in his desk drawer.  I’m unsure if he ever read it or not.  Overall I think it was a pretty successful coming out.  Although I was told a year or so down the road that he thought I was going through a phase.  That was about five years ago and surprise I’m still falling in love with ladies.  Giving my mom the letter was much easier.  I stopped by her house when she wasn’t there and left the letter in one of her drawers.  I called her and asked if she got it and of course she didn’t because I put it in the one drawer she never looks in.  After she read it she called  and laughed at me saying she’s known since I was in 6th grade.  Who knew?!  She then called the local PFLAG organization and had a conversation for whatever reason.  Coming out to my mom was a success as well.  I’m sure there were some feelings of sadness because I am her only daughter and you guys know how moms are.

At 23 years old I have the joy of saying I’ve never been rejected by any family members or friends.  At least not explicitly rejected.  My parents and I have never talked about my sexual orientation since I gave them the letters, which is understandable.  My family doesn’t really talk about dating or people we’re interested in because we’re all very much our own  private entities.  Whenever I do have the pleasure of finding a girlfriend I will not hesitate to introduce her to my family.

One thing I didn’t talk about in my story was the  depression and void I felt before coming out.  I think I touched based on it in my previous post, but if you can imagine it was horrendous.  I didn’t even feel like a real person.  It was more as if I was watching someone else on a little television with bad reception in a dark room.  The closet is truly suffocating and you’ll never be able to start your life until you acknowledge those feelings.  It’s one of those clichés that are overwhelmingly truthful.  So for anyone that has yet to come out, I highly encourage you to.  Seek the right people out if you need help whether it’s a friend or a stranger online.  Seek me out.  Life is much better on the outside, I promise.

The (Lesbian) Hopeless Romantic

21 Sep

IMG_4037I always feel so very cliché when I write about love or “love” or romance.  Why would I know what it is or means anyway?  There is no one true definition I’m sure.  I’ve always thought it was a special moment when you encountered someone who made you feel differently than the other hundreds of people you’ve encountered, even if it wasn’t love.  Is that feeling called infatuation?  Infatuation is known as “foolish love.”  What a shame that it’s foolish.  We all must be fools then because everyone has experienced this.  But I feel like I experience this more often than the average person.  I’ve heard many times that I’m always “in love” with someone, and I cannot disagree with them.  I don’t want to undo this characteristic of mine, but I do wonder what it’s like to hardly ever be in love with anyone.  I wonder if it’s better or worse.  I’m sure both have their distinct frustrations.  However, we all know the words of Lord Tennyson, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  He may be right because I’ve lost mostly and yet I think the current version of me is the best so far.  Everyone made me a better me.  Have I always been this hopeless romantic type?  Yes ma’am.

In 6th grade I had a crush on a boy (yes a boy) and I left him those disgusting candy-heart-chalk-things in his locker along with a note for Valentines Day.  I don’t think he appreciated my gifts and I remember feeling weird about the situation.  Needless to say that was the last romantic gesture I ever did for a boy and found out I rather be doing them for girls.  Since then, all of the gestures I do for the girls I like like have kept steady and meaningful.  My favorite thing to do when I feel myself falling for a lady is listen to every word she says.  Her inflections.  Watch her expressions.  When I feel like I’ve learned enough about her I plan .  I create, I write, I draw, I play, I buy sometimes…  Whatever combination feels right, I put it together and I present it to her.  Because that’s just who I am.  I do this to show her my efforts to know her.  There doesn’t have to be a label on our relationship for me to do these things because that’s who I am.  When I am fearless I do what feels right in the moment.
IMG_4048
Am I a hopeless romantic because despite my efforts and gestures, none of them have resulted in a significant other?  That would be selfish to expect a relationship just because they accepted my gestures with glowing eyes and fluttering hearts.  I should be left without hope because I keep doing the same romantic gestures and nothing has changed.  I should be a hopeless lesbian because for some ridiculous reason I still believe the person who will respond to my gestures won’t come from the Internet but rather a coffee shop or park (I’m not knocking people who’ve found their partners on the Internet…That’ll probably be me eventually).  Is it a sign of weakness to be a hopeless romantic?  Is it a weakness because we need to realize that our feelings of love were created by the movies and nothing more?  I know my friends might tell me I should stop being a hopeless romantic to prevent myself from being hurt.  That’s probably a great strategy but I’m terrible at stopping myself from expressing my love.

IMG_4051

To me, my gestures and hopes parallel the photographs of the sun setting I took in Santorini.  Even as the light dims, the beauty of the sunset does not lessen.  From every angle I am chasing something that looks so far away but feels quite close to me.  Eventually the light disappears.   I know this scene will appear 1000 times over in Santorini for countless people even if I’m not there to see it.  Luckily for me I remember it and tomorrow at sunset the light will disappear again.  And the next day.  And the next.  You see… the light always comes back.

I Hope I Have A (Longterm) Lesbian Co-Worker One Day

12 Aug

Adulthood.  What an intimidating word.  Images of bills, endless responsibility, distancing friendships, and full-time+ work.  Eventually your coworkers become a family of sorts  because you spend the majority of your time with them.  I genuinely consider many of my coworkers (past and present) a part of my family.  They make me feel safe, they give me confidence, confide in me, share things with me, and make me laugh.  These things are great, but there always feels like something is missing.  Like I can’t be myself completely because they just won’t understand an important part of me, and that is no fault of theirs.

I’ve held a job since I was old enough to drive myself back and fourth to work during the summers.  Out of those 7 years I’ve only had one open-ish LGBTQ coworker, and the experience was unlike any other I’ve had.  We only worked together for a few months before she left, but I cherished our time together.  We could talk freely and openly about our lady experiences together.  I know it’s possible to have that conversation with heterosexual coworkers, but the same connection and understanding would be impossible to have.

For all my heterosexual readers: Imagine that you worked in an environment where you were the only heterosexual identifying employee.  How would that make you feel?  How would you feel listening to two men talk about their night at a gay club, or girlfriends talking about where (or what… hehe) they ate the previous night?  Maybe they share stories about being discriminated against because they held hands walking down the street or the people they’re attracted to.  Maybe you wouldn’t feel so out of place the first time.  But imagine that happening repeatedly five days a week for 3 decades.  You possibly start longing for an acquaintance.  Someone who can uniquely relate to your experiences.

I dream of working in a corporation where my boss identifies as LGBT or at least a handful of coworkers.  I’m sure their sexuality would be non-factor in business operations, but I would feel an unspoken connection and pride working for/with them.  My heart would swell with joy knowing I could be wholly myself and talk about my troubles without worrying about the consequences or unsolicited and inappropriate commentary.  I dream of working with professional lesbians because I don’t know any.  Everyone likes a role model, and I am no different.  I’d love nothing more than Bette Porter ordering me around the office or Ellen Degeneres critiquing me on what I could improve upon, while Lena and Stef have lunch with me.  Hell, I’d even take out J. Crew president Jenna Lyons telling me how disgusting my style is.  I think you get my point by now.

Now… I’m sure my chances of ever working with a lesbian in a workplace resembling corporate America ( not as dusty or traditional) is very slim.  Until then I’ll just continue my journey of finding some really good lesbian girlfriends.  Still don’t have any of those either.  Actually there is one girl and she’s awesome and understands the way my brain works and she’s currently dating a girl so we share things.  Baby steps people.  Keep hope alive.

Love who you love.

How I Feel When I Hear Men Talk About Women

15 Jul

One of the stereotypes that self-identifying lesbians have sprawled on their résumés is “man-hating monsters with severe penis envy”.  Obviously this is grossly incorrect.  We don’t have penis envy because the ones we can purchase perform better and look prettier than the actual thing.  Also incorrect because there are many men in my life who I think quite highly of and I’m sure many other lesbians feel the same.  However, recently I have been finding myself completely and utterly disgusted with men and the things they say about women and how they say it.

I’ve grown up around men my entire life.  My dad, my twin brother, and my older brother have done a wonderful job helping me grow as a woman.  Granted, I’ve heard them say some things here and there, but I always made sure to acknowledge that the comment(s) they made are unacceptable.  I remember being in High School and listening to groups of guys talking about the latest and hottest “ass” on the market.  Before I was aware of my sexuality, I remember hearing these things and feeling a special kind of anger developing inside me.  I didn’t feel as though they were insulting me, but rather the type of beings I held closely to my heart.  These were the beings I wanted to love more than friends, and there they were–casually talking about them like pieces of meat.  Overtime I kind of felt like an honorary guy  because hanging out with the guys was easy for me.  They didn’t intimidate me and I sure as hell was not trying to impress anyone, therefore allowing me access to these… discussions.

It wasn’t until college that I began to understand and witness just how many men truly objectify women and to what extent.  Sitting in on a conversation full of (certain) men is one of my visions of hell.  For hours the conversation is focused on rating women and their level of attractiveness and their “fuckability.”  I’m sure plenty of girl friends sit around and talk about men like this in a similar fashion, but I’m almost certain it does not sound as violating and volatile as it does coming from the mouths of men.  I also know that not every group of male friends talk about women as if they were items, and I am truly thankful appreciative for you gentlemen.

Oftentimes I think men feel comfortable talking like that in front of me because they think as a lesbian I see women in the same light as they do.  They’re wrong.  So wrong.  Sometimes I feel as though they observe women in harsh fluorescent lighting while I admire them under Magic Hour lighting during the changing of the seasons.  I feel protective of women everywhere at all times.  Even when I don’t know the woman a man may be “discussing,” if I hear something wildly inappropriate and downright rude, I will make an effort to help him see his error.  I don’t hate men.  I just hate how it seems as though many are unaware of the misogyny ingrained in their minds.  Degrading and objectifying women is so normalized for them that they truly cannot hear the error in their words-their thoughts.

But maybe I’m being unfair.  I’m not exactly sure how groups of lesbian friends discuss other women.  I’m sure it varies just like other friend groups.  I’m also sure their words  wouldn’t affect me as much in comparison to men.  I haven’t had the opportunity to have a group of close lesbian friends yet.  The lesbian friends I do have, speak about women as if they put the stars in the sky.  Ok maybe not to that extent, but it’s pretty damn close I would say.  I’m sure there are times when I’ve talked about women in unsavory ways, but I (and everyone else) know that at the end of the day women are the sexiest most powerful beings in my eyes.

Men… I know you’re not all misogynistic dickwads.  Stop trying to be all macho in front of your friends and let them know how you truly feel about the ladies.  Be poetic about it.  Women are so beautiful.  They birthed your asses, remember?  If your friends say something and in your heart you know it’s not cool, let them know.  Unless you really do think women are here for your satisfaction only, then by all means keep doing what you’re doing!

P.S. my apology for the huge gap in my posting.  I’ve been a tad busy.  Also, I generally only like to write about things that truly move me and it takes a while for me to somewhat organized thoughts.

P.P.S. If you haven’t started watching the Netflix series “Orange Is The New Black”, I’m going to need you to open Netflix AS SOON AS YOU’RE DONE READING THIS.  There is so much “lesbian activity” (show reference).  Also, HOT DONNA FROM THAT 70s SHOW IS A SEXY LESBIAN CRIMINAL.  WHAT MORE DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?!

Are Gay Men Averagely More Attractive Than Lesbians?

17 May

I don’t want to start this post with pictures of people because it’ll make me feel shallow and judgmental.  I’m bringing this topic to the surface because it is something that I’ve heard many heterosexual and homosexual people make mention of.  When I surf pictures of gay pride rallies and other events where there are large crowds of LGBTQ people, I can’t help but notice that the average level of attractiveness of the gay men seems to be quite a bit higher than that of the lesbians.  I even can speak from personal experience.  When I went to pride in my Midwestern hometown, it just seemed like the men present were averagely more attractive than the lesbians.  What do I mean by attractive?

The definition of “attractive” is so subjective that I’m not even sure what I mean by attractive.  I suppose for an elementary and basic definition, I can use physical health as a starting point.  Physical health meaning weight, condition of the skin, teeth, etc.  I feel like people will label me shallow as soon as they read this, but I  don’t think there is anything wrong with being attracted to people who take care of their physique and like to keep their skin/hair/teeth/etcc in optimal condition as well.

It’s not a secret that there is an existing stereotype that seemingly many lesbians are overweight and unhealthy (equating to unattractiveness using my basic definition).  A hospital in Boston even received significant funds to conduct a study to “examine the interplay in gender and sexual orientation in obesity disparities (excuse me if my source is too unreliable, I did not have time to sift through scholarly articles… If any exist).”  However terrible and judgmental stereotypes are, they exist in partial truths.

When I talk to my heterosexual friends and even my gay friends about gay men, I hardly hear anyone mention unattractive (physical) features.  Usually the first words I hear when someone is describing a gay man is how beautiful they are.  Their perfectly primped hair,  amazing physique that a woman would  kill for, their cleanliness, and their pristine wardrobes.  Why is that?  Does it have to do with stereotypes and gender roles and how gay men seem to transition to a more effeminate look after coming out while gay women masculinize their look?  We’re raised to find feminine features beautiful, even on men.  So feminine=attractiveness?

Obviously I know everything is based on ones perception.  I also know that my experience is based off of my location in the world.  In the Midwest, people are more overweight here than in other parts of the country.  I have a friend who comes home from Seattle a few times a year and each time she comes back to Ohio she always makes a note about how much larger people are in Ohio in comparison to Washington.  However, I have friends in California, New York, and D.C. who tell me regularly how attractive the lesbians are there.  Their definition of attractive usually includes something describing their physiques.  At this moment in my life, fitness is a pretty important attribute to me.  I workout pretty regularly and try not to be completely reckless about what I eat.  Considering those things are important to me, I also think it’s reasonable for me to be attracted to someone who also feels somewhat similarly.

(Let me clarify that just because I think I would want to date someone with similar physical routines as me, does not mean I discriminate against those who do not share the same routine as me.)

I’m not sure if I accomplished what I wanted to with this post, but I really just wanted to discuss this topic because I know it’s crossed some minds a few times.
What’s your take?

Lesbians Are The Reason Men Can’t Find A Good Woman…

3 May

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

 

Screen shot 2013-04-28 at 10.08.25 AM

Screen shot 2013-04-28 at 10.08.05 AM

 

I’d like to start off with my apologies for lack of posting.  I have an internship at a real company that’s not a restaurant (it’s a start somewhere, right?) and for some reason my “social life” has been strangely active.  So forgive me.

 

Now onto the subject at hand.  Notice the two screen caps above that were posted in regards to one of my entries entitled “Straight Girls Fall In Love With Me Too.”  These men cannot be serious about the reasons they cannot find a good woman.  I actually laughed out loud at these comments.

If I could talk to these men in person, these are the questions I would ask:

  1. To The Truth, what is this obvious reason why you “good straight guys” can’t seem to meet a good woman anymore?  Are you implying that the dirty lesbians are using their hypnotic evil powers to slowly attract every straight girl there ever was?  If you re-read that entry, the ending doesn’t exactly go in my favor, does it?  If anything you should be thanking me because they all eventually end up going back to their big, strong, protective men who can do everything for them I can.
  2. When you say “us good straight guys,” I’m assuming you’re saying that as an indirect parallel to “you bad gay women?”  Are you in such disbelief as a single straight man that it must be the fault of another (lesbians) why you haven’t found a (good) woman yet?
  3. When you use the phrase “good woman,” are you implying that all the women you’ve been interested in (or have rejected you) have been bad women?  Are you saying that lesbians only attract the “good women,” ultimately leaving you with rotten ones to choose from?
  4. To VeryTrue, are lesbians everywhere these days?  If they are, can you PLEASE fuckin’ point to their general direction because I cannot for the life of me hone in on one.  Instead, I find myself hanging from the lips of your “good (straight) women.”  And I would gladly trade your straight women for my dapper dyke, lusty lesbian,  Femme female, anyday.
  5. You’re telling me that the number of lesbians have increased so rapidly that you actually find it hard to find a straight woman from the population?
  6. You too, used the phrase “good woman.”  Refer back to #3.

 

If after reading my questions  you cannot clearly reach my conclusion, I will spell it out for you:  LESBIANS ARE NOT THE REASON MEN ARE  (supposedly) HAVING  DIFFICULTIES FINDING GOOD WOMEN!  If anything, I see so many good women wasting their time with less-than-stellar men, and if I did have  lesbian powers (aside from some skills we have *wink*), I would use them to steal all your good women.  That would be pointless though because I’d rather have a woman who wants me in the same way I want her.  Now if anymore men find themselves hovering on my page (actually how did you find this blog?  Googling lesbian porn?), I hope you use your logic and intellect before making hilarious comments.

 

Where are the Lesbians Between the Pages?

26 Mar

In the waning era (Hallelujah/hopefully) of Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey, my inner-lesbian-spirit has been indefinitely vomiting all over the place.  As I wrote in an earlier entry (Read Here), all of my friends are hot blooded heterosexual women and some of them have read and even thoroughly enjoyed reading these series of… novels?  Imagine myself as I sit trying to comprehend the appeal and want to find a charming, dominating, heroic, type of man.  I can’t, because I don’t want that obviously.  Not all heterosexual women want that either of course.  What I’m gathering at is that in 2013, it is like searching for a needle in a haystack trying to find any inkling of a lesbian romance in a novel.  In fact, finding a lesbian romance between women over the age of 17 seems to be a made up concept not available on mainstream bookstore shelves.  Although, some material may be available in smaller, more independent book stores.  Or maybe a feminist book store like Women & Women First.

If you don’t watch Portlandia then you probably have no clue about this. You should watch this show though because it’s hilarious.

The first time I sought out a story that my lesbian spirit could relate to, I thought Barnes & Noble would be a great place to start because they seem to have everything and if they don’t they can find it for you.  I eagerly walked in and headed straight to the desk where I asked the attendant where I could find the LGBT section in the store.  He then proceded to tell me that they were in the process of eliminating that section because people have been arguing that segregating the books into their own category is not conducive to progression… Or something like that.  Basically, treating the books as something different than other books is not ideal.  Personally, I’m okay with the section because it makes it easier for me to find the things I want!  Nonetheless, there was one book case that had a shelf labeled “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered” nestled between I believe African American and some other marginalized culture.  I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to find half a shelf of material for me to pick from.  None of the choices were fiction, and there was some erotica, personal accounts, and short stories.  The book I was looking for was located in the Young Adult section, which makes sense but I was hoping to find more than what I did.  I’ve read two books so far that explore young girls discovering their sexuality while unsuspectedly falling in love with another girl.

I think both books are proficient in describing the pain, fear, and sometimes denial from loved ones, that comes with acknowledging one’s sexuality for the first time.  I completed  Annie on my Mind today.  While the book’s 1982 publishing date is a bit dated, I thoroughly enjoyed the story of Liza and Annie.  It’s nice to get a perspective of obstacles faced by the LGBT community growing up in a time before the Internet and explosion of user created content.  Your information either came from small entries in Encyclopedias, or if you were brave enough, you checked out books about homosexuality in the library.  Keeping You a Secret was published in 2003 and does a better job illustrating a more modern day homophobia.  The type where people have the opportunity to be appropriately informed about homosexuality, but choose to remain ignorant about it.

2003 was a decade ago and I think it’s time for more romance plots to be between two girls (or women).  There’s been a clear increase of lesbian visibility on television so I’m hopeful there will be a change in the literature department soon.  Obviously this will require more lesbian authors to emerge or those willing to attack such a controversial subject with accuracy and passion (also publishers and whatever else comes with publishing).  I know there is an infinite number of lesbian short stories and fan fiction available online, but it’s not the same as holding a physical book in hand, knowing that someone thought your story was important enough to print and publish to the world.  Young girls struggling with their sexuality deserve to see themselves in the books they read.  If anything, they deserve to escape to a world where they can feel comfortable and safe inside the pages of a book.  If I don’t see anything soon maybe I should try writing something like my story.