Tag Archives: Attraction

You Got Your Orientation Wrong

11 Nov

glauxnest.blogspot

Exhalation of relief…  You’re feeling weightless and naked.  After all of these months, years, you’ve finally come to terms with yourself that you are indeed sexually and/or romantically attracted to people of the same gender.  With such bravery and confidence you bare your soul and come out to the people in your life who mean the most.  They accept and support you more than you could have ever asked.  The road before you is paved and ready to discover life as you’ve always imagined it could  be.  Bright, colorful, vibrant, exciting. Exhalation.

A couple of years have passed since your revelation and you’ve bloomed ever so beautifully into your being.  Girls have come and gone, which is fine because you’re exploring what you like and don’t like.  You mostly frequent heterosexual establishments (because there are no gay bars around) and have no trouble catching the attention of male admirers (No offense to the male population, but all a woman has to do is exist and you swarm.  This is also my discontent with women not approaching me with such ease, manifesting).  With all of this male attention your mind starts to wander back over to the land of heterosexual, one that you’ve actually never visited.  A sort of panic rushes over you.

These thoughts of being with men start to intrigue you and your curiosity grows.  You become confused because you can’t figure out if your curiosity for men stems from your lack of attention and relationships with women or if you’re genuinely curious.  In reality, experimenting with a man for the first time after many women is not that big of a deal.  But in your head and your heart it goes against everything you’ve been piecing together about yourself since childhood.  What does it all mean?  After all, you are a red blooded woman and your biological urges still exist despite your declared sexuality.  I’m talking about sex.  You get urges and maybe you start to realize that for you, it doesn’t matter what gender the person satisfying you in that arena is.  Does this mean you’re not gay then?

This brings up the whole complex web/umbrella/scale of sexuality of which I claim to be no expert about at all.  Sometimes you can be sexually attracted to both genders and only romantically attracted to one or the other.  How do you deal with that?  Mention having a fling with a man and your friends will respond  “Told you!  We knew you were straight.”  Or maybe your parents will clasp their hands together thankful that your “phase” is finally over.  Obviously both responses are irrational because sexuality is not  black and white, but most people find it difficult to grasp that concept.  How does that affect you emotionally?  I imagine  the emotions are similar to coming out as something other than heterosexual.  It must be even more difficult especially if you’re a “Goldstar Lesbian” because it’s like My Whole Life has Been a Lie: Part II.  All of this could be avoided if our culture wasn’t sustained on a three choice orientation system.

You’re either gay, straight, or bisexual (but they get a lot of shit).  If orientation was taught, discussed, and accepted more widely on the scale system like it really is, we wouldn’t have such a need to declare a sexuality.  We  would also be less fearful to admit to ourselves and others when our desires and attractions change. We are human beings.  We are meant to grow, evolve, and discover ourselves.  Discovering who you are is both frightening and rewarding I know.  It takes practice, but eventually you’ll make all the decisions that correlate to your happiness.  I’m still working on that too.  We’re all getting there.  We’ll get there someday.  You didn’t get your orientation wrong, you just found something else that also floats your boat.

My Coming Out Story.

18 Oct

At 23 posts I suppose it’s about that time I share my “coming out” story with my readers.  My apologies for my lack of posting (if anyone cares).  I’ve been a tad busy trying to be a real adult, which is rather challenging…  And my apologies for how wordy and unnecessary the following stories will seem:

I consider myself quite fortunate to be one of those lesbians who subconsciously knew she was different at about age 10.  I recall chasing girls around the playground and wanting to hold their hands much more than the boys; and that didn’t seem strange or abnormal to me at all.  I just knew that it was girls who made my stomach do backflips, and it felt good, and I wanted more.  To this day I still remember the girl that stole my heart at the jungle gym.  She’s married now (holy shit I must be old.  23 isn’t old), but even still when people ask me when did I know I was gay, I always mention her and my heart flickers a bit because she’s the one that started it all.

In 8th grade when girls started to experiment with boys and talk about them all the time I remember participating in conversations but I felt disconnected.  But like every year of my life it seems, there was a girl I had a crush on and we had this (what I thought) was an unspoken attraction.  I didn’t know what we had and I was probably misinterpreting everything per usual, but there was a reason I cried the day she moved and I never saw her again.  Such a sap I am.  In between her was another crush on someone who used to be my best friend (I know we were 2 way crushin’ on the first girl) and we played softball together.  GO FIGURE.  All the attractive and cool guys wanted her and she eventually picked one of them to be her long term boyfriend.  I was devastated especially because I thought we had some weird unspoken attraction as well.  I’m hardly wrong about those unspoken attractions.  Fast forward a few years and what do you know she’s dating a woman and they’re still together to this day!  All the while with these crushes, my ultimate crush was on this “gothic” beauty Amy Lee from Evanescence.

If you took a peep at all of my notebooks and binders from 7th grade though High School there was a 96% chance that Evanescence symbol would be scribbled somewhere.  This woman was the first significant female celebrity crush I had.  I owned every poster, magazine cover and article, CD, saw her in concert, and even had some autographed concert tickets and a belt buckle she apparently wore during one of her concerts.  Needless to say I was completely obsessed.  Fast forward to the latter days of High School and I was ready to come out to my friends.

The great thing about my High School friends (who are still my good friends) is that they were and still are the forward thinkers, the intellectuals, and the “hippies” so to speak.  I couldn’t ask for better friends.  I told different groups of friends at different times and they all had the same reaction: Explosive laughter and a bunch of “we’ve always knowns.”  What a relief. I  knew they would react that way but your first time coming out to meaningful people is difficult.  Fast forward to my freshman year of University and I was ready to come out to my parents.  *cue foreboding music*

Ah yes, the dreaded coming out to your parents.  What a stressful and anxiety ridden period.  Before I came out I bought Chaz Bono’s (then Chastity) book Family Outing: A GUIDE TO THE COMING-OUT PROCESS FOR GAYS, LESBIANS AND THEIR FAMILIES and studied the pages as if I had finals that week.  Once I felt confident enough in myself with the backing up friends and my roommates, I plotted my plan (I’m so grateful for the friends I made at University because they really helped me through a lot and I truly could not ask for better confidants).  I decided the best way to communicate with my parents would be to write two heartfelt letters because I wanted to make sure I was as thorough and clear as possible.  My parents are divorced so I had to do this twice.  I strategically gave my dad his letter a couple hours before he left for a week long vacation.  Mind you it took me at least an hour to build up the courage and hand it to him before I ran away and buried my head under pillows.  He read it, cried, hugged me, and apologized for making gay jokes in the past and proceeded to explain to me the kind of environment he grew up in and their opinions on gay people.  I eventually gave him the Chaz Bono book and he still has it in his desk drawer.  I’m unsure if he ever read it or not.  Overall I think it was a pretty successful coming out.  Although I was told a year or so down the road that he thought I was going through a phase.  That was about five years ago and surprise I’m still falling in love with ladies.  Giving my mom the letter was much easier.  I stopped by her house when she wasn’t there and left the letter in one of her drawers.  I called her and asked if she got it and of course she didn’t because I put it in the one drawer she never looks in.  After she read it she called  and laughed at me saying she’s known since I was in 6th grade.  Who knew?!  She then called the local PFLAG organization and had a conversation for whatever reason.  Coming out to my mom was a success as well.  I’m sure there were some feelings of sadness because I am her only daughter and you guys know how moms are.

At 23 years old I have the joy of saying I’ve never been rejected by any family members or friends.  At least not explicitly rejected.  My parents and I have never talked about my sexual orientation since I gave them the letters, which is understandable.  My family doesn’t really talk about dating or people we’re interested in because we’re all very much our own  private entities.  Whenever I do have the pleasure of finding a girlfriend I will not hesitate to introduce her to my family.

One thing I didn’t talk about in my story was the  depression and void I felt before coming out.  I think I touched based on it in my previous post, but if you can imagine it was horrendous.  I didn’t even feel like a real person.  It was more as if I was watching someone else on a little television with bad reception in a dark room.  The closet is truly suffocating and you’ll never be able to start your life until you acknowledge those feelings.  It’s one of those clichés that are overwhelmingly truthful.  So for anyone that has yet to come out, I highly encourage you to.  Seek the right people out if you need help whether it’s a friend or a stranger online.  Seek me out.  Life is much better on the outside, I promise.

Are Gay Men Averagely More Attractive Than Lesbians?

17 May

I don’t want to start this post with pictures of people because it’ll make me feel shallow and judgmental.  I’m bringing this topic to the surface because it is something that I’ve heard many heterosexual and homosexual people make mention of.  When I surf pictures of gay pride rallies and other events where there are large crowds of LGBTQ people, I can’t help but notice that the average level of attractiveness of the gay men seems to be quite a bit higher than that of the lesbians.  I even can speak from personal experience.  When I went to pride in my Midwestern hometown, it just seemed like the men present were averagely more attractive than the lesbians.  What do I mean by attractive?

The definition of “attractive” is so subjective that I’m not even sure what I mean by attractive.  I suppose for an elementary and basic definition, I can use physical health as a starting point.  Physical health meaning weight, condition of the skin, teeth, etc.  I feel like people will label me shallow as soon as they read this, but I  don’t think there is anything wrong with being attracted to people who take care of their physique and like to keep their skin/hair/teeth/etcc in optimal condition as well.

It’s not a secret that there is an existing stereotype that seemingly many lesbians are overweight and unhealthy (equating to unattractiveness using my basic definition).  A hospital in Boston even received significant funds to conduct a study to “examine the interplay in gender and sexual orientation in obesity disparities (excuse me if my source is too unreliable, I did not have time to sift through scholarly articles… If any exist).”  However terrible and judgmental stereotypes are, they exist in partial truths.

When I talk to my heterosexual friends and even my gay friends about gay men, I hardly hear anyone mention unattractive (physical) features.  Usually the first words I hear when someone is describing a gay man is how beautiful they are.  Their perfectly primped hair,  amazing physique that a woman would  kill for, their cleanliness, and their pristine wardrobes.  Why is that?  Does it have to do with stereotypes and gender roles and how gay men seem to transition to a more effeminate look after coming out while gay women masculinize their look?  We’re raised to find feminine features beautiful, even on men.  So feminine=attractiveness?

Obviously I know everything is based on ones perception.  I also know that my experience is based off of my location in the world.  In the Midwest, people are more overweight here than in other parts of the country.  I have a friend who comes home from Seattle a few times a year and each time she comes back to Ohio she always makes a note about how much larger people are in Ohio in comparison to Washington.  However, I have friends in California, New York, and D.C. who tell me regularly how attractive the lesbians are there.  Their definition of attractive usually includes something describing their physiques.  At this moment in my life, fitness is a pretty important attribute to me.  I workout pretty regularly and try not to be completely reckless about what I eat.  Considering those things are important to me, I also think it’s reasonable for me to be attracted to someone who also feels somewhat similarly.

(Let me clarify that just because I think I would want to date someone with similar physical routines as me, does not mean I discriminate against those who do not share the same routine as me.)

I’m not sure if I accomplished what I wanted to with this post, but I really just wanted to discuss this topic because I know it’s crossed some minds a few times.
What’s your take?

Lesbians Are The Reason Men Can’t Find A Good Woman…

3 May

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

 

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I’d like to start off with my apologies for lack of posting.  I have an internship at a real company that’s not a restaurant (it’s a start somewhere, right?) and for some reason my “social life” has been strangely active.  So forgive me.

 

Now onto the subject at hand.  Notice the two screen caps above that were posted in regards to one of my entries entitled “Straight Girls Fall In Love With Me Too.”  These men cannot be serious about the reasons they cannot find a good woman.  I actually laughed out loud at these comments.

If I could talk to these men in person, these are the questions I would ask:

  1. To The Truth, what is this obvious reason why you “good straight guys” can’t seem to meet a good woman anymore?  Are you implying that the dirty lesbians are using their hypnotic evil powers to slowly attract every straight girl there ever was?  If you re-read that entry, the ending doesn’t exactly go in my favor, does it?  If anything you should be thanking me because they all eventually end up going back to their big, strong, protective men who can do everything for them I can.
  2. When you say “us good straight guys,” I’m assuming you’re saying that as an indirect parallel to “you bad gay women?”  Are you in such disbelief as a single straight man that it must be the fault of another (lesbians) why you haven’t found a (good) woman yet?
  3. When you use the phrase “good woman,” are you implying that all the women you’ve been interested in (or have rejected you) have been bad women?  Are you saying that lesbians only attract the “good women,” ultimately leaving you with rotten ones to choose from?
  4. To VeryTrue, are lesbians everywhere these days?  If they are, can you PLEASE fuckin’ point to their general direction because I cannot for the life of me hone in on one.  Instead, I find myself hanging from the lips of your “good (straight) women.”  And I would gladly trade your straight women for my dapper dyke, lusty lesbian,  Femme female, anyday.
  5. You’re telling me that the number of lesbians have increased so rapidly that you actually find it hard to find a straight woman from the population?
  6. You too, used the phrase “good woman.”  Refer back to #3.

 

If after reading my questions  you cannot clearly reach my conclusion, I will spell it out for you:  LESBIANS ARE NOT THE REASON MEN ARE  (supposedly) HAVING  DIFFICULTIES FINDING GOOD WOMEN!  If anything, I see so many good women wasting their time with less-than-stellar men, and if I did have  lesbian powers (aside from some skills we have *wink*), I would use them to steal all your good women.  That would be pointless though because I’d rather have a woman who wants me in the same way I want her.  Now if anymore men find themselves hovering on my page (actually how did you find this blog?  Googling lesbian porn?), I hope you use your logic and intellect before making hilarious comments.

 

Straight Girls Fall In Love With Me Too…

16 Mar

npr.org

A couple of weeks ago I posted an entry entitled “You Fell In Love With ANOTHER Straight Girl.”  Basically it describes my terrible habit of falling in love with straight girls because of reasons I would like to know.  Wouldn’t it be great if a consequence of being gay was that you could only fall in love with other lesbians?  Actually that might be terrible because some people just fall in love with the person and you could miss out on a chance with a girl that only currently identifies as straight.  But I digress…  As mentioned in the previous entry, I have fallen in love (or whatever it was) with more than my fair share of straight girls.  While I admit I am the type of person that falls quickly,  I think the feelings I developed for these girls were not completely uninfluenced.  My feelings grew stronger overtime because in one way or another, I think, these girls reacted positively to my advances.

But recently, one of those said straight girls (who is now one of my best friends) told me why I attract so many straight girls.  To put it simply, she said that she and other (straight) girls didn’t see me as someone of the same gender, but more as my own species.  In other words, those girls were never attracted to other girls, just me.  The first thing I did was smile because what an ego boost.  The second thing I did was frown because if they were attracted to me in some way, why couldn’t they admit it or just take a chance with me for my own sanity?  Obviously I understand why none of them ever took the chance because a decision like that could potentially shift their lives and it’s difficult to coast out of your comfort zone.  If I ever found myself becoming attracted to a man I would most likely be hesitant as well.  I say “most likely” because even though something is out of my comfort zone, there is always a high probability of me expressing my emotions.

With this said, was it fair for these girls to express any kind of interest beyond a platonic friendship with me?  In principle, hell no.  No one likes to be an experiment and the toll each girl has taken on me has been pretty severe.  However, I’ve learned from them what I like and dislike and what I deserve.  I also appreciate them taking the time to explore their sexualities in the most passive way possible, even if I was at the expense at some point in time.  Whenever I can help someone find their path in life I am all for doing.

I hope my grey relationships with self-identifying heterosexual women are coming to a close; and if there are heterosexual women out there who are genuinely curious about their sexuality and want to experiment here are a few tips you can follow:

  1. First and foremost make damn sure you clearly communicate what your intentions are with the lesbian subject.
  2. If you didn’t expect to become attracted to the lesbian subject and you kiss them, and then kiss them again on more than one occasion  it is not okay to brush those interactions under the rug.
  3. If the lesbian subject starts to show signs of attachment and you’re not at that level with her, let her know.
  4. Don’t get angry with lesbian subject if she gets angry with you for talking to guys because you have yet to communicate with her.
  5. Don’t be an asshole.
  6. If this is a close friend, know that you are putting your friendship on the line.
  7. Try as best as you can to match up your actions and your words…  i.e.  Don’t continuously have physical contact and spend absurd amounts of time with each other and ultimately tell her you’re just friends.  That’s mean.

While I may seem bitter over straight women, I still believe that lesbians and previously identifying straight women are capable of falling for each other just like lesbians are capable of falling for men.  In fact…

Just love who you love damn it.  Don’t be afraid to jump.  You never know what could happen.

Why Women Hypnotize Me

19 Feb
“I love their voice, their eyes, their hair, their curves, their bodies, their laugher.  The sadness, the wetness.  See everything about women I love.  Touching them, feeling their skin against mine, making them feel good.  See I respect them and I respect myself.”

Of course I wouldn’t be a real lesbian if I didn’t have some L Word reference in one of my posts.  I’m kidding.   That is a terrible stereotype and not every lesbian watches The L Word incessantly and knows every season like the cuffs on their plaid button ups (I however do own every season on DVD.  It was a life changing show and I’m still waiting for another show with similar sentiments).

People always ask me why I like women because apparently there is a generous portion of the male and female population who think women are psychotic.  I like to use the terms “beautifully complex” or “insufferably intoxicating” but I suppose psychotic does the job.  I think it’s that complexity I am attracted to.  I know men can be complex as well but my brain must not be able to pick up on and feel those wavelengths.  Women are the puzzles that come with an infinite number of pieces with extra pieces that don’t fit.  It is possible to be addicted to complexity and sometimes I feel as though I have that addiction.  I like the challenge and I like the mystery.

Physically…  Physically.  Consult the quote above.  Papi said it best.

A woman’s voice:  When she’s satisfied.  When she’s tired.  When she’s hurt and on the verge of tears.  When she’s happy.  I can hear and sense every minute change in a woman’s voice and they all change the texture of my skin.  Women with lower pitched voices are especially attractive to me.

Their hair:  Long.  Short.  Straight.  Curly.  One shade.  Ombre.  Three shades.  It’s this variety I love.  The way it flows when she walks away from me.  The way I can play with it for hours voluntarily.  A woman’s hair is one of my favorite ways she expresses her current mood.

Their curves/bodies:  I mean come on… What person with a beating heart has never found themselves lusting over a pair of really great breasts?  Personally I am an ass girl.  To me a woman’s body is like a pendulum.  I cannot stop staring especially when they’re walking or dancing.  It’s such a fluid motion.  Curved lower backs leading to Dimples of Venus.  Everything is soft and quiet making any subtle change in textures noticeable.

Is there anything more attractive than a confident and strong woman?  Women who take charge of themselves and walk down the sidewalk like they laid the cement are my kryptonite.  Women who kick ass in the gym so much so that men stop with jaws dropped to appreciate their strength.  Did you see the film “Zero Dark Thirty?”  Jessica Chastain’s role turned me on so much because she did not take shit from anyone and stood her ground despite all the doubt that surrounded her.  Confidence is sexy readers.

I could go on and on.  If I ever find myself attracted you I’ll probably write you a poem about it.  Now you know a little bit of where my attraction stems from.  So if any of you heterosexuals out there wander onto my page, don’t ask your lesbian friend how is it possible they can be attracted to women.  Our brains can’t help it.

 

Go kiss a girl if you’ve never experienced the wonders.