Your Reality is Through a Screen

5 Nov

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I was debating whether or not I should include another gif and ultimately decided against it as I try to make my posts more content-focused.  But everyone in the lesbian world of shipping knows damn well that one more gif would’ve lead to gifs of every lesbian relationship ever portrayed on television, which we know them all.  The Queer fandom world is unlike any audience I’ve ever been a part of; occupied by some of the most talented, devoted, and passionate people I’ve had the pleasure of admiring.  With social media platforms like Tumblr it’s easier than ever for us to share our fantasies and interpretations of our favorite onscreen relationships in the form of fanfics, gifs, and everything else in between.  While I enjoy every single minute of scrolling and reading, sometimes I stop to think is it sad that I’m practically living an important aspect of my life through glowing screens?

For those of us who don’t have that great group of lesbian friends like the ladies of The Real L Word, where else are we supposed to go for a community that feels like a friendship?  The art of shipping fictional characters (yes it’s totally an art) may appear a bit insane to outsiders, but I completely understand and appreciate the necessity for it. It’s an expression and manifestation of the things we hope for ourselves, the things we don’t see in everyday life because we may not know a lesbian couple personally.  Years ago when South of Nowhere first aired in 2005 I remember so badly wanting to talk to anyone about my love for Spencer and Ashley (Shipping name: Spashley).  I wasn’t out yet and I had never heard of anyone else mentioning the show so I just kept everything to myself.  Luckily I was pretty tech obsessed and ended up finding the Spashley message boards online where I would sift through posts finding obsessed girls like me as well as the confused and scared.  Message boards, the original Tumblrs without the breadth of personalization, gifs, audio, video, and well… pretty much everything.  But it’s all we had and I know how much they helped me discover myself and share parts of me with strangers who felt similarly.

Fandoms of the Queer persuasion also know how frustrating it is to be a devoted shipper, as the relationships we crave are more often than not destroyed and/or ruined in the least favorable of ways.  Yes I’m sure we’re aware that not all of our beloved relationships can go exactly as we’d like, but can we have just one that works out, gets adequate story time, and avoids making generalizations or upholding stereotypes?!  Networks, I do applaud you though for the strides you’ve made and keep making i.e. The Fosters and maybe Grey’s Anatomy?  Calzona of Grey’s Anatomy is one of the few relationships I’m not familiar with because I haven’t watched the show since season 1 aired 100 years ago.  However, you better believe I’ve seen the gifs and quotes from the couple on Tumblr so basically I know them.  I’m glad we can be here for each other in our times of need.

At the end of the day I’m never truly embarrassed or sad that some of my most significant sources of joy come from those awesome users that run fandom Tumblrs like a well-oiled machine.  You can always count on them for gifs generated literally 2mins after an episode airs (seriously how the hell do you guys do that?), questions answered, theories proposed, and overall companionship.  This only becomes a potential social misstep if you lose the ability to keep a grasp on reality and the real life relationships that you should be cultivating. That’s not an issue for me at all but it would be nice to have that close “lezbro” who gets unnecessarily excited when your favorite queer characters look at each other in that way.  I’m sure that lezbro (or maybe even girlfriend) will come along someday so until then I will unabashedly continue to dive deep in the waves of queer shippers and fandoms.

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My Coming Out Story.

18 Oct

At 23 posts I suppose it’s about that time I share my “coming out” story with my readers.  My apologies for my lack of posting (if anyone cares).  I’ve been a tad busy trying to be a real adult, which is rather challenging…  And my apologies for how wordy and unnecessary the following stories will seem:

I consider myself quite fortunate to be one of those lesbians who subconsciously knew she was different at about age 10.  I recall chasing girls around the playground and wanting to hold their hands much more than the boys; and that didn’t seem strange or abnormal to me at all.  I just knew that it was girls who made my stomach do backflips, and it felt good, and I wanted more.  To this day I still remember the girl that stole my heart at the jungle gym.  She’s married now (holy shit I must be old.  23 isn’t old), but even still when people ask me when did I know I was gay, I always mention her and my heart flickers a bit because she’s the one that started it all.

In 8th grade when girls started to experiment with boys and talk about them all the time I remember participating in conversations but I felt disconnected.  But like every year of my life it seems, there was a girl I had a crush on and we had this (what I thought) was an unspoken attraction.  I didn’t know what we had and I was probably misinterpreting everything per usual, but there was a reason I cried the day she moved and I never saw her again.  Such a sap I am.  In between her was another crush on someone who used to be my best friend (I know we were 2 way crushin’ on the first girl) and we played softball together.  GO FIGURE.  All the attractive and cool guys wanted her and she eventually picked one of them to be her long term boyfriend.  I was devastated especially because I thought we had some weird unspoken attraction as well.  I’m hardly wrong about those unspoken attractions.  Fast forward a few years and what do you know she’s dating a woman and they’re still together to this day!  All the while with these crushes, my ultimate crush was on this “gothic” beauty Amy Lee from Evanescence.

If you took a peep at all of my notebooks and binders from 7th grade though High School there was a 96% chance that Evanescence symbol would be scribbled somewhere.  This woman was the first significant female celebrity crush I had.  I owned every poster, magazine cover and article, CD, saw her in concert, and even had some autographed concert tickets and a belt buckle she apparently wore during one of her concerts.  Needless to say I was completely obsessed.  Fast forward to the latter days of High School and I was ready to come out to my friends.

The great thing about my High School friends (who are still my good friends) is that they were and still are the forward thinkers, the intellectuals, and the “hippies” so to speak.  I couldn’t ask for better friends.  I told different groups of friends at different times and they all had the same reaction: Explosive laughter and a bunch of “we’ve always knowns.”  What a relief. I  knew they would react that way but your first time coming out to meaningful people is difficult.  Fast forward to my freshman year of University and I was ready to come out to my parents.  *cue foreboding music*

Ah yes, the dreaded coming out to your parents.  What a stressful and anxiety ridden period.  Before I came out I bought Chaz Bono’s (then Chastity) book Family Outing: A GUIDE TO THE COMING-OUT PROCESS FOR GAYS, LESBIANS AND THEIR FAMILIES and studied the pages as if I had finals that week.  Once I felt confident enough in myself with the backing up friends and my roommates, I plotted my plan (I’m so grateful for the friends I made at University because they really helped me through a lot and I truly could not ask for better confidants).  I decided the best way to communicate with my parents would be to write two heartfelt letters because I wanted to make sure I was as thorough and clear as possible.  My parents are divorced so I had to do this twice.  I strategically gave my dad his letter a couple hours before he left for a week long vacation.  Mind you it took me at least an hour to build up the courage and hand it to him before I ran away and buried my head under pillows.  He read it, cried, hugged me, and apologized for making gay jokes in the past and proceeded to explain to me the kind of environment he grew up in and their opinions on gay people.  I eventually gave him the Chaz Bono book and he still has it in his desk drawer.  I’m unsure if he ever read it or not.  Overall I think it was a pretty successful coming out.  Although I was told a year or so down the road that he thought I was going through a phase.  That was about five years ago and surprise I’m still falling in love with ladies.  Giving my mom the letter was much easier.  I stopped by her house when she wasn’t there and left the letter in one of her drawers.  I called her and asked if she got it and of course she didn’t because I put it in the one drawer she never looks in.  After she read it she called  and laughed at me saying she’s known since I was in 6th grade.  Who knew?!  She then called the local PFLAG organization and had a conversation for whatever reason.  Coming out to my mom was a success as well.  I’m sure there were some feelings of sadness because I am her only daughter and you guys know how moms are.

At 23 years old I have the joy of saying I’ve never been rejected by any family members or friends.  At least not explicitly rejected.  My parents and I have never talked about my sexual orientation since I gave them the letters, which is understandable.  My family doesn’t really talk about dating or people we’re interested in because we’re all very much our own  private entities.  Whenever I do have the pleasure of finding a girlfriend I will not hesitate to introduce her to my family.

One thing I didn’t talk about in my story was the  depression and void I felt before coming out.  I think I touched based on it in my previous post, but if you can imagine it was horrendous.  I didn’t even feel like a real person.  It was more as if I was watching someone else on a little television with bad reception in a dark room.  The closet is truly suffocating and you’ll never be able to start your life until you acknowledge those feelings.  It’s one of those clichés that are overwhelmingly truthful.  So for anyone that has yet to come out, I highly encourage you to.  Seek the right people out if you need help whether it’s a friend or a stranger online.  Seek me out.  Life is much better on the outside, I promise.

The (Lesbian) Hopeless Romantic

21 Sep

IMG_4037I always feel so very cliché when I write about love or “love” or romance.  Why would I know what it is or means anyway?  There is no one true definition I’m sure.  I’ve always thought it was a special moment when you encountered someone who made you feel differently than the other hundreds of people you’ve encountered, even if it wasn’t love.  Is that feeling called infatuation?  Infatuation is known as “foolish love.”  What a shame that it’s foolish.  We all must be fools then because everyone has experienced this.  But I feel like I experience this more often than the average person.  I’ve heard many times that I’m always “in love” with someone, and I cannot disagree with them.  I don’t want to undo this characteristic of mine, but I do wonder what it’s like to hardly ever be in love with anyone.  I wonder if it’s better or worse.  I’m sure both have their distinct frustrations.  However, we all know the words of Lord Tennyson, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  He may be right because I’ve lost mostly and yet I think the current version of me is the best so far.  Everyone made me a better me.  Have I always been this hopeless romantic type?  Yes ma’am.

In 6th grade I had a crush on a boy (yes a boy) and I left him those disgusting candy-heart-chalk-things in his locker along with a note for Valentines Day.  I don’t think he appreciated my gifts and I remember feeling weird about the situation.  Needless to say that was the last romantic gesture I ever did for a boy and found out I rather be doing them for girls.  Since then, all of the gestures I do for the girls I like like have kept steady and meaningful.  My favorite thing to do when I feel myself falling for a lady is listen to every word she says.  Her inflections.  Watch her expressions.  When I feel like I’ve learned enough about her I plan .  I create, I write, I draw, I play, I buy sometimes…  Whatever combination feels right, I put it together and I present it to her.  Because that’s just who I am.  I do this to show her my efforts to know her.  There doesn’t have to be a label on our relationship for me to do these things because that’s who I am.  When I am fearless I do what feels right in the moment.
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Am I a hopeless romantic because despite my efforts and gestures, none of them have resulted in a significant other?  That would be selfish to expect a relationship just because they accepted my gestures with glowing eyes and fluttering hearts.  I should be left without hope because I keep doing the same romantic gestures and nothing has changed.  I should be a hopeless lesbian because for some ridiculous reason I still believe the person who will respond to my gestures won’t come from the Internet but rather a coffee shop or park (I’m not knocking people who’ve found their partners on the Internet…That’ll probably be me eventually).  Is it a sign of weakness to be a hopeless romantic?  Is it a weakness because we need to realize that our feelings of love were created by the movies and nothing more?  I know my friends might tell me I should stop being a hopeless romantic to prevent myself from being hurt.  That’s probably a great strategy but I’m terrible at stopping myself from expressing my love.

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To me, my gestures and hopes parallel the photographs of the sun setting I took in Santorini.  Even as the light dims, the beauty of the sunset does not lessen.  From every angle I am chasing something that looks so far away but feels quite close to me.  Eventually the light disappears.   I know this scene will appear 1000 times over in Santorini for countless people even if I’m not there to see it.  Luckily for me I remember it and tomorrow at sunset the light will disappear again.  And the next day.  And the next.  You see… the light always comes back.

Anatomy of this Personality

8 Sep

E: 33% N: 50% F: 50% P: 11%

I haven’t taken the MBTI  since my sophomore year in college. One of my best friends and I took a course designed for students who were trying to find any sign of their life-path hidden under residual debris left by the shit storm known as Life.  We had recently switched our major from the soul-sucking field of Chemistry (I still love science) and were hoping that a series of questions followed by some guidance could help us.  I know some people are hesitant to trust a test that details your personality, but I guarantee Myers-Briggs will describe you quite accurately.  My memory evades me of my first results but I’m confident they resembled the ones above, which is what I got after taking the MBTI a few weeks ago.

According to the Myers Briggs, I have the personality type ENFP: Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception.  How does Myers Briggs describe this?

  • ENFPs are initiators of change, keenly perceptive of possibilities. They energize and stimulate others through their contagious enthusiasm. They prefer the start-up phase of a project or relationship, and are tireless in the pursuit of new-found interests. ENFPs are able to anticipate the needs of others and to offer them needed help and appreciation. They bring zest, joy, liveliness, and fun to all aspects of their lives. They are at their best in fluid situations that allow them to express their creativity and use their charisma. They tend to idealize people, and can be disappointed when reality fails to fulfill their expectations. They are easily frustrated if a project requires a great deal of follow-up or attention to detail.

I can’t express how precise this description is… of me.  This also partially explains why my “coming out” period was especially difficult,  why I fall so hard from such great heights for ladies, and why (I think) my never-wrong Gaydar is modified to curious “straight” ladies.

Lets briefly discuss Extraversion and my coming out.  Imagine being the most boisterous and obnoxious kid in every classroom.  You always shouted answers, said hi to everyone, were probably classified as crazy, and were mostly full of enthusiasm that you wanted to share with friends and strangers.  Next, picture the exact moment in time  you discover the word defining your feelings for women, and that it isn’t normal.  Your internal sun burns out indefinitely and you crawl inside yourself only to fall to the darkest depths of your being. Depths so devoid of light that you pray (even if you’re not religious) no one else has to feel their way through it.  I’m sure closeted-introverts  have found themselves in similar darkness, but as a notorious extrovert it really took a toll on me.  Thankfully my internal sun has been burning brighter than ever for a while and I’m back to regularly scheduled enthusiasm.  People call me the life of the party and generally look in my direction to reassure themselves that it’s ok to start dancing in a bar where no one else is dancing.

I had to mention my habit of falling from such great heights because honestly, how the hell could this test know that my personality is the type to idealize people and be highly disappointed when expectation does not meet reality?  How the hell?  My friends will be the first to tell you how devastated I am when someone doesn’t meet my vision of them. I don’t know why I do this and I wish I didn’t because it steals so much energy from me.  However, I feel a bit better knowing that it’s a personality trait that is natural to me and it’s something I can work on.

Finally, lets chat about my magnificent Gaydar that needs re-callibrating.  Having a working Gaydar can be the most helpful tool a lesbian can have especially if you’re more of feminine-ish lesbian attracted to mostly other feminine lesbians.  Really there should be awards handed out to fem lezzies who find other fem lezzies because it’s thee most frustrating activity ever and I wish there was an easier way.  There isn’t one so we rely on Gaydar, or in my case Bi-dar or curious-dar.  As an ENFP I am keenly perceptive of change, able to anticipate the needs of others, and work best in fluid situations where I am able to use my charisma.  I’m thinking that this is a deadly combination for reeling in all the curious, feminine straight girls.  I can perceive which ladies are feeling me, anticipate what they might be missing from boys (and fill it in), and then I use my charm in situations to catch them.  This cycle continues for a while until they get freaked out and run away or push and pull me until I’m done.  Nonetheless, thank you Myers Briggs for helping shed some light on my tendencies.  Maybe one day I will stop this vicious cycle.  Or maybe I’m addicted to it in some sick way.

I hope this didn’t make me sound like some cocky asshole tootin’ her own horn.  I’m just reporting results.  ENFP’s are known as “Champions,” which means that when they “speak or write,  they are often hoping to use their convictions to motivate others to participate in advocacy or they hope to reveal a hidden truth about the human experience.”  What a coincidence, that is precisely the reason I started this blog.

What’s your type?

I Hope I Have A (Longterm) Lesbian Co-Worker One Day

12 Aug

Adulthood.  What an intimidating word.  Images of bills, endless responsibility, distancing friendships, and full-time+ work.  Eventually your coworkers become a family of sorts  because you spend the majority of your time with them.  I genuinely consider many of my coworkers (past and present) a part of my family.  They make me feel safe, they give me confidence, confide in me, share things with me, and make me laugh.  These things are great, but there always feels like something is missing.  Like I can’t be myself completely because they just won’t understand an important part of me, and that is no fault of theirs.

I’ve held a job since I was old enough to drive myself back and fourth to work during the summers.  Out of those 7 years I’ve only had one open-ish LGBTQ coworker, and the experience was unlike any other I’ve had.  We only worked together for a few months before she left, but I cherished our time together.  We could talk freely and openly about our lady experiences together.  I know it’s possible to have that conversation with heterosexual coworkers, but the same connection and understanding would be impossible to have.

For all my heterosexual readers: Imagine that you worked in an environment where you were the only heterosexual identifying employee.  How would that make you feel?  How would you feel listening to two men talk about their night at a gay club, or girlfriends talking about where (or what… hehe) they ate the previous night?  Maybe they share stories about being discriminated against because they held hands walking down the street or the people they’re attracted to.  Maybe you wouldn’t feel so out of place the first time.  But imagine that happening repeatedly five days a week for 3 decades.  You possibly start longing for an acquaintance.  Someone who can uniquely relate to your experiences.

I dream of working in a corporation where my boss identifies as LGBT or at least a handful of coworkers.  I’m sure their sexuality would be non-factor in business operations, but I would feel an unspoken connection and pride working for/with them.  My heart would swell with joy knowing I could be wholly myself and talk about my troubles without worrying about the consequences or unsolicited and inappropriate commentary.  I dream of working with professional lesbians because I don’t know any.  Everyone likes a role model, and I am no different.  I’d love nothing more than Bette Porter ordering me around the office or Ellen Degeneres critiquing me on what I could improve upon, while Lena and Stef have lunch with me.  Hell, I’d even take out J. Crew president Jenna Lyons telling me how disgusting my style is.  I think you get my point by now.

Now… I’m sure my chances of ever working with a lesbian in a workplace resembling corporate America ( not as dusty or traditional) is very slim.  Until then I’ll just continue my journey of finding some really good lesbian girlfriends.  Still don’t have any of those either.  Actually there is one girl and she’s awesome and understands the way my brain works and she’s currently dating a girl so we share things.  Baby steps people.  Keep hope alive.

Love who you love.

Orange Is The New… Obsession

29 Jul

OITNB

Orange Is The New Black has been available for our viewing pleasures for approximately 2.5 weeks.  If you’re one of the unfortunate souls who has yet to binge watch all 13 episodes in a week  (or 2 days), WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?  Do you remember that girl you had a crush on who consumed your thoughts your every waking moment?  The girl who could flip a switch on every emotion you carry within yourself?  This show is that girl.  Our eyes, brains, and souls have been waiting for a show like this.  A show created by a kickass woman (Jenji Kohan, the creator of Weeds) that features even more kickass women characters.  Frankly, this show has increased my lesbian pride ten-fold because I am just in awe and lust with every contributor to this project.  My initial interest in the show was sparked because I saw a gif of a naked Piper Chapman and Alex Vause in the shower; and that was all the motivation I needed to dive right in to this treat of a show.  However, the show moves far beyond our lady-on-lady prison fantasies.  Each woman has a story and their stories are raw and emotional.  Their personalities are vastly different offering us a smorgasbord of traits to love, hate, and connect to.  Obviously my mini review of the show will not rival the hundreds of “expert” reviews online, but I thought I’d share my perspective anyway.

I have a favorite character, but truthfully, I love each character and what they have to offer the show.

Can we just look at this cast?  Hot Donna.  Britney Spears’ BFF from the movie Crossroads. The lesbian sent to reform camp in But I’m A Cheerleader. Talents from the stages of Broadway.

Look at the diversity.  We have black, white, Russian, Latina, transgender, feminine, masculine, skinny, chubby… And that’s only the characters in this photo.  Other characters are a butch lesbian, a yogi, the side bitches, etc.  The variety is just unreal.  The other great thing about the show is that the characters don’t feel stereotyped at all.  Each dialogue feels natural and each inmate gets their time in the spotlight.  We learn their backstories.  We see their transformations and begin to feel for these women.  Can you guess who my favorite character is?

Thank You Jesus

Alex Vause is my favorite inmate because the way I lust after her is something serious.  She reminds me that I am definitely a dyke.  Her swagger is truly off the meter.  The way she seems so confident and unafraid on the outside, when in reality she’s so broken on the inside.  She’s not invincible like her body language gives off, and just like any other hot-blooded lesbian, she’s been destroyed by a “straight girl” (re: So You Fell In Love With ANOTHER Straight Girl).  She’s intelligent and resilient.  She’s unapologetic about her love for the female body.  Those black framed glasses and her subtle yet sexy mannerisms just top the sexy sundae that is Alex Vause.  She surpasses Shane from The L Word as being the lesbian with the most swagger.  For those who keep saying “there will never be another L Word and this sure isn’t it,” well of course it’s not.  You have to remember that this show is not just about lesbians.  In fact, the way sexuality is addressed in this show is phenomenal.  It’s normalized and mocked among the lesbian (or previously curious) characters, while simultaneously scrutinized by some of the other male and female characters.  Their interactions and relationships are just so wonderfully complicated and thoughtful that I still can’t believe this show exists.  I haven’t even touched the surface of the show in terms of what it offers to viewers.  I could write a 20 page essay on the show but I would need to watch the season over a few more times.

So just do yourselves a favor and go to Netflix right now and start watching.  If you don’t have Netflix there are other places where you can watch all 13 episodes.  You will laugh with tears streaming down your face.  You’ll cry and you’ll cringe in disgust and discomfort.  You might even have to go change your panties a few times.  Either way this show will make you feel some things a show probably hasn’t made you feel in quite some time.

Happy watching and feel relieved that season 2 is already a go.  Let me know what you think!

How I Feel When I Hear Men Talk About Women

15 Jul

One of the stereotypes that self-identifying lesbians have sprawled on their résumés is “man-hating monsters with severe penis envy”.  Obviously this is grossly incorrect.  We don’t have penis envy because the ones we can purchase perform better and look prettier than the actual thing.  Also incorrect because there are many men in my life who I think quite highly of and I’m sure many other lesbians feel the same.  However, recently I have been finding myself completely and utterly disgusted with men and the things they say about women and how they say it.

I’ve grown up around men my entire life.  My dad, my twin brother, and my older brother have done a wonderful job helping me grow as a woman.  Granted, I’ve heard them say some things here and there, but I always made sure to acknowledge that the comment(s) they made are unacceptable.  I remember being in High School and listening to groups of guys talking about the latest and hottest “ass” on the market.  Before I was aware of my sexuality, I remember hearing these things and feeling a special kind of anger developing inside me.  I didn’t feel as though they were insulting me, but rather the type of beings I held closely to my heart.  These were the beings I wanted to love more than friends, and there they were–casually talking about them like pieces of meat.  Overtime I kind of felt like an honorary guy  because hanging out with the guys was easy for me.  They didn’t intimidate me and I sure as hell was not trying to impress anyone, therefore allowing me access to these… discussions.

It wasn’t until college that I began to understand and witness just how many men truly objectify women and to what extent.  Sitting in on a conversation full of (certain) men is one of my visions of hell.  For hours the conversation is focused on rating women and their level of attractiveness and their “fuckability.”  I’m sure plenty of girl friends sit around and talk about men like this in a similar fashion, but I’m almost certain it does not sound as violating and volatile as it does coming from the mouths of men.  I also know that not every group of male friends talk about women as if they were items, and I am truly thankful appreciative for you gentlemen.

Oftentimes I think men feel comfortable talking like that in front of me because they think as a lesbian I see women in the same light as they do.  They’re wrong.  So wrong.  Sometimes I feel as though they observe women in harsh fluorescent lighting while I admire them under Magic Hour lighting during the changing of the seasons.  I feel protective of women everywhere at all times.  Even when I don’t know the woman a man may be “discussing,” if I hear something wildly inappropriate and downright rude, I will make an effort to help him see his error.  I don’t hate men.  I just hate how it seems as though many are unaware of the misogyny ingrained in their minds.  Degrading and objectifying women is so normalized for them that they truly cannot hear the error in their words-their thoughts.

But maybe I’m being unfair.  I’m not exactly sure how groups of lesbian friends discuss other women.  I’m sure it varies just like other friend groups.  I’m also sure their words  wouldn’t affect me as much in comparison to men.  I haven’t had the opportunity to have a group of close lesbian friends yet.  The lesbian friends I do have, speak about women as if they put the stars in the sky.  Ok maybe not to that extent, but it’s pretty damn close I would say.  I’m sure there are times when I’ve talked about women in unsavory ways, but I (and everyone else) know that at the end of the day women are the sexiest most powerful beings in my eyes.

Men… I know you’re not all misogynistic dickwads.  Stop trying to be all macho in front of your friends and let them know how you truly feel about the ladies.  Be poetic about it.  Women are so beautiful.  They birthed your asses, remember?  If your friends say something and in your heart you know it’s not cool, let them know.  Unless you really do think women are here for your satisfaction only, then by all means keep doing what you’re doing!

P.S. my apology for the huge gap in my posting.  I’ve been a tad busy.  Also, I generally only like to write about things that truly move me and it takes a while for me to somewhat organized thoughts.

P.P.S. If you haven’t started watching the Netflix series “Orange Is The New Black”, I’m going to need you to open Netflix AS SOON AS YOU’RE DONE READING THIS.  There is so much “lesbian activity” (show reference).  Also, HOT DONNA FROM THAT 70s SHOW IS A SEXY LESBIAN CRIMINAL.  WHAT MORE DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?!

Titillating Tech Things

7 Jun

Did I get you with the word titillating?  Or was it tech?  Either way, not only am I a fan of the things I’ve written about in previous posts (women, film, television, etc), but I’m also a huge fan of technology.  I’m all for gadgets that make my life easier or apps that help me discover things I didn’t know about.  So my first tech feature will be on an app called Impulcity.  Impulcity is an interactive event discovery app for the iPhone (The Android version will be launched soon).  It takes your location, anywhere in the U.S., and will quickly tell you what cool things are happening around you.  Or you can search any city or zipcode and see what’s happening around there.  Concerts, drink specials, poetry nights, sporting events, family things… Literally anything that’s going on around you, Impulcity will show you where it’s happening.

The app is so much so a “must have” app of the summer that The Today Show featured it on their tech segment today.  So, click on the links in this blog post to check out the buzz.  I also hope you don’t mind me writing about things outside of lesbian issues.  I’ll probably in the future do music posts as well.  There is so much to discover out there!  Go fourth and find it!

The app is at #8 in iTunes’ top free Lifestyle apps.

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YOU CAN’T BEAT FREE PEOPLE!

Terms “Googled” To Find My Blog

3 Jun

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I really love WordPress and all the data they offer you in terms of the visitors to your blog.  I thought I’d share just a few of the search terms people use to get to my blog.  Based on the search terms I’d say there are a lot of people out there who are quite curious about lesbian dynamics.  That’s why I decided to start writing about my own experiences/perceptions as a self-identifying lady lover.  I thought I might as well add something to the public mix because there are women out there searching for answers or advice.  You really can never have enough resources.  You can never have enough perspectives.  Maybe someone can relate to my perspective better than one of the numerous other lesbian blogs/vlogs available.

I know this doesn’t constitute a real post, but I thought it was important to inform my viewers just how many eyes come across my page.  I’m actually surprised how many views I get daily because I hardly advertise the URL.  This means that people are actively searching out for things of the lesbian persuasion.  I’ll continue to write about all aspects, theories, thoughts, observations, and personal experiences.  I might not have the most eloquent or technically sound writing, but I always try to be as real as possible; no matter how unfavorable my perspective may be.

Keep on reading.  Keep on commenting.  Ask questions.

Jam out with your clam out.

Are Gay Men Averagely More Attractive Than Lesbians?

17 May

I don’t want to start this post with pictures of people because it’ll make me feel shallow and judgmental.  I’m bringing this topic to the surface because it is something that I’ve heard many heterosexual and homosexual people make mention of.  When I surf pictures of gay pride rallies and other events where there are large crowds of LGBTQ people, I can’t help but notice that the average level of attractiveness of the gay men seems to be quite a bit higher than that of the lesbians.  I even can speak from personal experience.  When I went to pride in my Midwestern hometown, it just seemed like the men present were averagely more attractive than the lesbians.  What do I mean by attractive?

The definition of “attractive” is so subjective that I’m not even sure what I mean by attractive.  I suppose for an elementary and basic definition, I can use physical health as a starting point.  Physical health meaning weight, condition of the skin, teeth, etc.  I feel like people will label me shallow as soon as they read this, but I  don’t think there is anything wrong with being attracted to people who take care of their physique and like to keep their skin/hair/teeth/etcc in optimal condition as well.

It’s not a secret that there is an existing stereotype that seemingly many lesbians are overweight and unhealthy (equating to unattractiveness using my basic definition).  A hospital in Boston even received significant funds to conduct a study to “examine the interplay in gender and sexual orientation in obesity disparities (excuse me if my source is too unreliable, I did not have time to sift through scholarly articles… If any exist).”  However terrible and judgmental stereotypes are, they exist in partial truths.

When I talk to my heterosexual friends and even my gay friends about gay men, I hardly hear anyone mention unattractive (physical) features.  Usually the first words I hear when someone is describing a gay man is how beautiful they are.  Their perfectly primped hair,  amazing physique that a woman would  kill for, their cleanliness, and their pristine wardrobes.  Why is that?  Does it have to do with stereotypes and gender roles and how gay men seem to transition to a more effeminate look after coming out while gay women masculinize their look?  We’re raised to find feminine features beautiful, even on men.  So feminine=attractiveness?

Obviously I know everything is based on ones perception.  I also know that my experience is based off of my location in the world.  In the Midwest, people are more overweight here than in other parts of the country.  I have a friend who comes home from Seattle a few times a year and each time she comes back to Ohio she always makes a note about how much larger people are in Ohio in comparison to Washington.  However, I have friends in California, New York, and D.C. who tell me regularly how attractive the lesbians are there.  Their definition of attractive usually includes something describing their physiques.  At this moment in my life, fitness is a pretty important attribute to me.  I workout pretty regularly and try not to be completely reckless about what I eat.  Considering those things are important to me, I also think it’s reasonable for me to be attracted to someone who also feels somewhat similarly.

(Let me clarify that just because I think I would want to date someone with similar physical routines as me, does not mean I discriminate against those who do not share the same routine as me.)

I’m not sure if I accomplished what I wanted to with this post, but I really just wanted to discuss this topic because I know it’s crossed some minds a few times.
What’s your take?