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Anatomy of this Personality

8 Sep

E: 33% N: 50% F: 50% P: 11%

I haven’t taken the MBTI  since my sophomore year in college. One of my best friends and I took a course designed for students who were trying to find any sign of their life-path hidden under residual debris left by the shit storm known as Life.  We had recently switched our major from the soul-sucking field of Chemistry (I still love science) and were hoping that a series of questions followed by some guidance could help us.  I know some people are hesitant to trust a test that details your personality, but I guarantee Myers-Briggs will describe you quite accurately.  My memory evades me of my first results but I’m confident they resembled the ones above, which is what I got after taking the MBTI a few weeks ago.

According to the Myers Briggs, I have the personality type ENFP: Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perception.  How does Myers Briggs describe this?

  • ENFPs are initiators of change, keenly perceptive of possibilities. They energize and stimulate others through their contagious enthusiasm. They prefer the start-up phase of a project or relationship, and are tireless in the pursuit of new-found interests. ENFPs are able to anticipate the needs of others and to offer them needed help and appreciation. They bring zest, joy, liveliness, and fun to all aspects of their lives. They are at their best in fluid situations that allow them to express their creativity and use their charisma. They tend to idealize people, and can be disappointed when reality fails to fulfill their expectations. They are easily frustrated if a project requires a great deal of follow-up or attention to detail.

I can’t express how precise this description is… of me.  This also partially explains why my “coming out” period was especially difficult,  why I fall so hard from such great heights for ladies, and why (I think) my never-wrong Gaydar is modified to curious “straight” ladies.

Lets briefly discuss Extraversion and my coming out.  Imagine being the most boisterous and obnoxious kid in every classroom.  You always shouted answers, said hi to everyone, were probably classified as crazy, and were mostly full of enthusiasm that you wanted to share with friends and strangers.  Next, picture the exact moment in time  you discover the word defining your feelings for women, and that it isn’t normal.  Your internal sun burns out indefinitely and you crawl inside yourself only to fall to the darkest depths of your being. Depths so devoid of light that you pray (even if you’re not religious) no one else has to feel their way through it.  I’m sure closeted-introverts  have found themselves in similar darkness, but as a notorious extrovert it really took a toll on me.  Thankfully my internal sun has been burning brighter than ever for a while and I’m back to regularly scheduled enthusiasm.  People call me the life of the party and generally look in my direction to reassure themselves that it’s ok to start dancing in a bar where no one else is dancing.

I had to mention my habit of falling from such great heights because honestly, how the hell could this test know that my personality is the type to idealize people and be highly disappointed when expectation does not meet reality?  How the hell?  My friends will be the first to tell you how devastated I am when someone doesn’t meet my vision of them. I don’t know why I do this and I wish I didn’t because it steals so much energy from me.  However, I feel a bit better knowing that it’s a personality trait that is natural to me and it’s something I can work on.

Finally, lets chat about my magnificent Gaydar that needs re-callibrating.  Having a working Gaydar can be the most helpful tool a lesbian can have especially if you’re more of feminine-ish lesbian attracted to mostly other feminine lesbians.  Really there should be awards handed out to fem lezzies who find other fem lezzies because it’s thee most frustrating activity ever and I wish there was an easier way.  There isn’t one so we rely on Gaydar, or in my case Bi-dar or curious-dar.  As an ENFP I am keenly perceptive of change, able to anticipate the needs of others, and work best in fluid situations where I am able to use my charisma.  I’m thinking that this is a deadly combination for reeling in all the curious, feminine straight girls.  I can perceive which ladies are feeling me, anticipate what they might be missing from boys (and fill it in), and then I use my charm in situations to catch them.  This cycle continues for a while until they get freaked out and run away or push and pull me until I’m done.  Nonetheless, thank you Myers Briggs for helping shed some light on my tendencies.  Maybe one day I will stop this vicious cycle.  Or maybe I’m addicted to it in some sick way.

I hope this didn’t make me sound like some cocky asshole tootin’ her own horn.  I’m just reporting results.  ENFP’s are known as “Champions,” which means that when they “speak or write,  they are often hoping to use their convictions to motivate others to participate in advocacy or they hope to reveal a hidden truth about the human experience.”  What a coincidence, that is precisely the reason I started this blog.

What’s your type?

I Hope I Have A (Longterm) Lesbian Co-Worker One Day

12 Aug

Adulthood.  What an intimidating word.  Images of bills, endless responsibility, distancing friendships, and full-time+ work.  Eventually your coworkers become a family of sorts  because you spend the majority of your time with them.  I genuinely consider many of my coworkers (past and present) a part of my family.  They make me feel safe, they give me confidence, confide in me, share things with me, and make me laugh.  These things are great, but there always feels like something is missing.  Like I can’t be myself completely because they just won’t understand an important part of me, and that is no fault of theirs.

I’ve held a job since I was old enough to drive myself back and fourth to work during the summers.  Out of those 7 years I’ve only had one open-ish LGBTQ coworker, and the experience was unlike any other I’ve had.  We only worked together for a few months before she left, but I cherished our time together.  We could talk freely and openly about our lady experiences together.  I know it’s possible to have that conversation with heterosexual coworkers, but the same connection and understanding would be impossible to have.

For all my heterosexual readers: Imagine that you worked in an environment where you were the only heterosexual identifying employee.  How would that make you feel?  How would you feel listening to two men talk about their night at a gay club, or girlfriends talking about where (or what… hehe) they ate the previous night?  Maybe they share stories about being discriminated against because they held hands walking down the street or the people they’re attracted to.  Maybe you wouldn’t feel so out of place the first time.  But imagine that happening repeatedly five days a week for 3 decades.  You possibly start longing for an acquaintance.  Someone who can uniquely relate to your experiences.

I dream of working in a corporation where my boss identifies as LGBT or at least a handful of coworkers.  I’m sure their sexuality would be non-factor in business operations, but I would feel an unspoken connection and pride working for/with them.  My heart would swell with joy knowing I could be wholly myself and talk about my troubles without worrying about the consequences or unsolicited and inappropriate commentary.  I dream of working with professional lesbians because I don’t know any.  Everyone likes a role model, and I am no different.  I’d love nothing more than Bette Porter ordering me around the office or Ellen Degeneres critiquing me on what I could improve upon, while Lena and Stef have lunch with me.  Hell, I’d even take out J. Crew president Jenna Lyons telling me how disgusting my style is.  I think you get my point by now.

Now… I’m sure my chances of ever working with a lesbian in a workplace resembling corporate America ( not as dusty or traditional) is very slim.  Until then I’ll just continue my journey of finding some really good lesbian girlfriends.  Still don’t have any of those either.  Actually there is one girl and she’s awesome and understands the way my brain works and she’s currently dating a girl so we share things.  Baby steps people.  Keep hope alive.

Love who you love.

Orange Is The New… Obsession

29 Jul

OITNB

Orange Is The New Black has been available for our viewing pleasures for approximately 2.5 weeks.  If you’re one of the unfortunate souls who has yet to binge watch all 13 episodes in a week  (or 2 days), WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?  Do you remember that girl you had a crush on who consumed your thoughts your every waking moment?  The girl who could flip a switch on every emotion you carry within yourself?  This show is that girl.  Our eyes, brains, and souls have been waiting for a show like this.  A show created by a kickass woman (Jenji Kohan, the creator of Weeds) that features even more kickass women characters.  Frankly, this show has increased my lesbian pride ten-fold because I am just in awe and lust with every contributor to this project.  My initial interest in the show was sparked because I saw a gif of a naked Piper Chapman and Alex Vause in the shower; and that was all the motivation I needed to dive right in to this treat of a show.  However, the show moves far beyond our lady-on-lady prison fantasies.  Each woman has a story and their stories are raw and emotional.  Their personalities are vastly different offering us a smorgasbord of traits to love, hate, and connect to.  Obviously my mini review of the show will not rival the hundreds of “expert” reviews online, but I thought I’d share my perspective anyway.

I have a favorite character, but truthfully, I love each character and what they have to offer the show.

Can we just look at this cast?  Hot Donna.  Britney Spears’ BFF from the movie Crossroads. The lesbian sent to reform camp in But I’m A Cheerleader. Talents from the stages of Broadway.

Look at the diversity.  We have black, white, Russian, Latina, transgender, feminine, masculine, skinny, chubby… And that’s only the characters in this photo.  Other characters are a butch lesbian, a yogi, the side bitches, etc.  The variety is just unreal.  The other great thing about the show is that the characters don’t feel stereotyped at all.  Each dialogue feels natural and each inmate gets their time in the spotlight.  We learn their backstories.  We see their transformations and begin to feel for these women.  Can you guess who my favorite character is?

Thank You Jesus

Alex Vause is my favorite inmate because the way I lust after her is something serious.  She reminds me that I am definitely a dyke.  Her swagger is truly off the meter.  The way she seems so confident and unafraid on the outside, when in reality she’s so broken on the inside.  She’s not invincible like her body language gives off, and just like any other hot-blooded lesbian, she’s been destroyed by a “straight girl” (re: So You Fell In Love With ANOTHER Straight Girl).  She’s intelligent and resilient.  She’s unapologetic about her love for the female body.  Those black framed glasses and her subtle yet sexy mannerisms just top the sexy sundae that is Alex Vause.  She surpasses Shane from The L Word as being the lesbian with the most swagger.  For those who keep saying “there will never be another L Word and this sure isn’t it,” well of course it’s not.  You have to remember that this show is not just about lesbians.  In fact, the way sexuality is addressed in this show is phenomenal.  It’s normalized and mocked among the lesbian (or previously curious) characters, while simultaneously scrutinized by some of the other male and female characters.  Their interactions and relationships are just so wonderfully complicated and thoughtful that I still can’t believe this show exists.  I haven’t even touched the surface of the show in terms of what it offers to viewers.  I could write a 20 page essay on the show but I would need to watch the season over a few more times.

So just do yourselves a favor and go to Netflix right now and start watching.  If you don’t have Netflix there are other places where you can watch all 13 episodes.  You will laugh with tears streaming down your face.  You’ll cry and you’ll cringe in disgust and discomfort.  You might even have to go change your panties a few times.  Either way this show will make you feel some things a show probably hasn’t made you feel in quite some time.

Happy watching and feel relieved that season 2 is already a go.  Let me know what you think!

How I Feel When I Hear Men Talk About Women

15 Jul

One of the stereotypes that self-identifying lesbians have sprawled on their résumés is “man-hating monsters with severe penis envy”.  Obviously this is grossly incorrect.  We don’t have penis envy because the ones we can purchase perform better and look prettier than the actual thing.  Also incorrect because there are many men in my life who I think quite highly of and I’m sure many other lesbians feel the same.  However, recently I have been finding myself completely and utterly disgusted with men and the things they say about women and how they say it.

I’ve grown up around men my entire life.  My dad, my twin brother, and my older brother have done a wonderful job helping me grow as a woman.  Granted, I’ve heard them say some things here and there, but I always made sure to acknowledge that the comment(s) they made are unacceptable.  I remember being in High School and listening to groups of guys talking about the latest and hottest “ass” on the market.  Before I was aware of my sexuality, I remember hearing these things and feeling a special kind of anger developing inside me.  I didn’t feel as though they were insulting me, but rather the type of beings I held closely to my heart.  These were the beings I wanted to love more than friends, and there they were–casually talking about them like pieces of meat.  Overtime I kind of felt like an honorary guy  because hanging out with the guys was easy for me.  They didn’t intimidate me and I sure as hell was not trying to impress anyone, therefore allowing me access to these… discussions.

It wasn’t until college that I began to understand and witness just how many men truly objectify women and to what extent.  Sitting in on a conversation full of (certain) men is one of my visions of hell.  For hours the conversation is focused on rating women and their level of attractiveness and their “fuckability.”  I’m sure plenty of girl friends sit around and talk about men like this in a similar fashion, but I’m almost certain it does not sound as violating and volatile as it does coming from the mouths of men.  I also know that not every group of male friends talk about women as if they were items, and I am truly thankful appreciative for you gentlemen.

Oftentimes I think men feel comfortable talking like that in front of me because they think as a lesbian I see women in the same light as they do.  They’re wrong.  So wrong.  Sometimes I feel as though they observe women in harsh fluorescent lighting while I admire them under Magic Hour lighting during the changing of the seasons.  I feel protective of women everywhere at all times.  Even when I don’t know the woman a man may be “discussing,” if I hear something wildly inappropriate and downright rude, I will make an effort to help him see his error.  I don’t hate men.  I just hate how it seems as though many are unaware of the misogyny ingrained in their minds.  Degrading and objectifying women is so normalized for them that they truly cannot hear the error in their words-their thoughts.

But maybe I’m being unfair.  I’m not exactly sure how groups of lesbian friends discuss other women.  I’m sure it varies just like other friend groups.  I’m also sure their words  wouldn’t affect me as much in comparison to men.  I haven’t had the opportunity to have a group of close lesbian friends yet.  The lesbian friends I do have, speak about women as if they put the stars in the sky.  Ok maybe not to that extent, but it’s pretty damn close I would say.  I’m sure there are times when I’ve talked about women in unsavory ways, but I (and everyone else) know that at the end of the day women are the sexiest most powerful beings in my eyes.

Men… I know you’re not all misogynistic dickwads.  Stop trying to be all macho in front of your friends and let them know how you truly feel about the ladies.  Be poetic about it.  Women are so beautiful.  They birthed your asses, remember?  If your friends say something and in your heart you know it’s not cool, let them know.  Unless you really do think women are here for your satisfaction only, then by all means keep doing what you’re doing!

P.S. my apology for the huge gap in my posting.  I’ve been a tad busy.  Also, I generally only like to write about things that truly move me and it takes a while for me to somewhat organized thoughts.

P.P.S. If you haven’t started watching the Netflix series “Orange Is The New Black”, I’m going to need you to open Netflix AS SOON AS YOU’RE DONE READING THIS.  There is so much “lesbian activity” (show reference).  Also, HOT DONNA FROM THAT 70s SHOW IS A SEXY LESBIAN CRIMINAL.  WHAT MORE DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?!

Terms “Googled” To Find My Blog

3 Jun

Screen shot 2013-05-09 at 11.22.53 AMScreen shot 2013-05-27 at 7.54.03 PMScreen shot 2013-05-28 at 5.32.39 PM

 

 

I really love WordPress and all the data they offer you in terms of the visitors to your blog.  I thought I’d share just a few of the search terms people use to get to my blog.  Based on the search terms I’d say there are a lot of people out there who are quite curious about lesbian dynamics.  That’s why I decided to start writing about my own experiences/perceptions as a self-identifying lady lover.  I thought I might as well add something to the public mix because there are women out there searching for answers or advice.  You really can never have enough resources.  You can never have enough perspectives.  Maybe someone can relate to my perspective better than one of the numerous other lesbian blogs/vlogs available.

I know this doesn’t constitute a real post, but I thought it was important to inform my viewers just how many eyes come across my page.  I’m actually surprised how many views I get daily because I hardly advertise the URL.  This means that people are actively searching out for things of the lesbian persuasion.  I’ll continue to write about all aspects, theories, thoughts, observations, and personal experiences.  I might not have the most eloquent or technically sound writing, but I always try to be as real as possible; no matter how unfavorable my perspective may be.

Keep on reading.  Keep on commenting.  Ask questions.

Jam out with your clam out.

Are Gay Men Averagely More Attractive Than Lesbians?

17 May

I don’t want to start this post with pictures of people because it’ll make me feel shallow and judgmental.  I’m bringing this topic to the surface because it is something that I’ve heard many heterosexual and homosexual people make mention of.  When I surf pictures of gay pride rallies and other events where there are large crowds of LGBTQ people, I can’t help but notice that the average level of attractiveness of the gay men seems to be quite a bit higher than that of the lesbians.  I even can speak from personal experience.  When I went to pride in my Midwestern hometown, it just seemed like the men present were averagely more attractive than the lesbians.  What do I mean by attractive?

The definition of “attractive” is so subjective that I’m not even sure what I mean by attractive.  I suppose for an elementary and basic definition, I can use physical health as a starting point.  Physical health meaning weight, condition of the skin, teeth, etc.  I feel like people will label me shallow as soon as they read this, but I  don’t think there is anything wrong with being attracted to people who take care of their physique and like to keep their skin/hair/teeth/etcc in optimal condition as well.

It’s not a secret that there is an existing stereotype that seemingly many lesbians are overweight and unhealthy (equating to unattractiveness using my basic definition).  A hospital in Boston even received significant funds to conduct a study to “examine the interplay in gender and sexual orientation in obesity disparities (excuse me if my source is too unreliable, I did not have time to sift through scholarly articles… If any exist).”  However terrible and judgmental stereotypes are, they exist in partial truths.

When I talk to my heterosexual friends and even my gay friends about gay men, I hardly hear anyone mention unattractive (physical) features.  Usually the first words I hear when someone is describing a gay man is how beautiful they are.  Their perfectly primped hair,  amazing physique that a woman would  kill for, their cleanliness, and their pristine wardrobes.  Why is that?  Does it have to do with stereotypes and gender roles and how gay men seem to transition to a more effeminate look after coming out while gay women masculinize their look?  We’re raised to find feminine features beautiful, even on men.  So feminine=attractiveness?

Obviously I know everything is based on ones perception.  I also know that my experience is based off of my location in the world.  In the Midwest, people are more overweight here than in other parts of the country.  I have a friend who comes home from Seattle a few times a year and each time she comes back to Ohio she always makes a note about how much larger people are in Ohio in comparison to Washington.  However, I have friends in California, New York, and D.C. who tell me regularly how attractive the lesbians are there.  Their definition of attractive usually includes something describing their physiques.  At this moment in my life, fitness is a pretty important attribute to me.  I workout pretty regularly and try not to be completely reckless about what I eat.  Considering those things are important to me, I also think it’s reasonable for me to be attracted to someone who also feels somewhat similarly.

(Let me clarify that just because I think I would want to date someone with similar physical routines as me, does not mean I discriminate against those who do not share the same routine as me.)

I’m not sure if I accomplished what I wanted to with this post, but I really just wanted to discuss this topic because I know it’s crossed some minds a few times.
What’s your take?

Sexuality, Race, Dating.

9 May

I googled "interracial couples" to find these images

It’s the subject people hardly like discussing because… well because we’d all like to think that in 2013 this is not an issue or a factor in our decisions/thoughts, but in reality, whether consciously or subconsciously, race does have an influence in our mind.

I’d like to start out with mentioning that I love discussing race/ethnicity often, especially as a person of color.  I love hearing various perspectives, asking questions, and navigating the thoughts of others, specifically those of the caucasian persuasion.  I wish more people could  discuss this important topic in a scholarly and non-threatening manner, but as I said earlier, it’s a sensitive topic.

I will start by building a platform of myself.  If I am walking down the street, 100% of passing strangers will classify me as African American.  That is a correct observation.  I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood.  I went to elementary school, Jr High School, and High School in an environment that was quite diverse.  In fact, the diversity that I grew up around seemed to be an anomaly of sorts as I grew older and talked to more people about their childhood.  Even with all this diversity, my childhood/current friends are still predominantly white.  This is most likely due to the classes I was enrolled in during school.  I’ve taken advanced classes since I was in 5th grade and it just so happens that ~96% of my classmates for seven years were white.  I received my bachelors degree in 2012 at one of thee whitest Universities  in America.  We’re known as the “Public Ivy League” and the average student seemingly is wealthy, preppy, stuck up, attractive, and well… white.  If you only spend a short amount of time on that campus you will certainly come to those conclusions.  However, I spent four years there and I truly couldn’t imagine going to a different University.  Granted, I probably would’ve fit in much better at numerous other institutions but I like a challenge when it comes to people.  In 2013 my friend group, which feels large, is still predominantly white.  One thing I hear often from them as well as strangers is  “you’re not really black…” and a variation of this statement.

Personally I think my perspective of race, behavior, and relations is far more mature than most people.  I feel like could write a dissertation on the matter.  But I digress.  There’s a reason we as humans stereotypes and compartmentalize different groups into categories.  It helps us quickly make judgements about people in order to protect ourselves.  It’s an unconscious evolution thing (I think).  How does this innate human behavior affect us when it comes to dating?

We can’t help who we’re attracted to.  My history of attraction with real life people just happens to be 100% white women.  Now if you put celebrities in that percentage then we’d need a pie chart to illustrate.  Nonetheless, I think who I’m currently attracted to comes from the environments I’ve spent the majority of my lifetime in.  I’m not saying that I could never be attracted to a woman who is not white.  Actually, every time I’ve gone to visit  friends in cities that are  breathtakingly diverse, my attraction shifts to just about every woman who is not white, or at least my interests greatly diversify.  I love that I’m able to do that.  My worry is that the majority of others aren’t able to do that.  For me, dating outside of my race has never even been a concern.  Not once have I ever been fearful of being attracted to someone who is not African American.  My siblings display the same philosophy as well.  They too have never dated anyone who was African American (not to my knowledge).  I think my concern lies in the fact that I know it’s hard enough to come out as LGBTQ, but then to lay on your friends and family that your partner is of a different race adds another complex dimension.  No one wants to make things harder than it already is, so why would they take that risk?  Maybe I’m just lacking confidence in the human race as a whole.  My faith in people and their willingness to explore things and people different from them is pretty nonexistent.  I often hope I’m wrong.  But then I remember that not everyone is the same and those people who live with tunnelvision eyes are not for me.  There are people out there who are attracted to the person and not what they look like.   But what happens  if you fall for someone with tunnelvision eyes?  I live my life carrying a grandiose personality and I try to throw it on every one who comes near me.  However, I walk through life subconsciously thinking someone will miss out on me because they’re not attracted to someone of my color.  Again I know that’s their loss, but what a terrible occurrence.  People immediately dimiss others because they’re not attracted to them, because their race isn’t in their history of attraction.  I do that too…

So how do we deal with this?  Just keep being yourself.  Be the best you and the right people will hopefully gravitate towards your presence.  If you ever fall for someone and they don’t like you back because of your skin color, well most likely you’ll never know.  How often will someone tell you they’re not attracted to you because you’re not white, black, latina, etc?  Rarely, because most people are respectful enough to not be explicitly assholish.  My last advice:

BE OPEN TO WHO YOU LOVE.  YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU COULD BE MISSING.

(I’ll try to follow my own advice)

(P.S. yay for television/media trying to become more diverse with programming.  Opening minds.  You still have a ways to go)

(P.P.S. Sorry if this was so scatter-brained.  I have so many thoughts about this)

Lesbians Are The Reason Men Can’t Find A Good Woman…

3 May

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

 

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I’d like to start off with my apologies for lack of posting.  I have an internship at a real company that’s not a restaurant (it’s a start somewhere, right?) and for some reason my “social life” has been strangely active.  So forgive me.

 

Now onto the subject at hand.  Notice the two screen caps above that were posted in regards to one of my entries entitled “Straight Girls Fall In Love With Me Too.”  These men cannot be serious about the reasons they cannot find a good woman.  I actually laughed out loud at these comments.

If I could talk to these men in person, these are the questions I would ask:

  1. To The Truth, what is this obvious reason why you “good straight guys” can’t seem to meet a good woman anymore?  Are you implying that the dirty lesbians are using their hypnotic evil powers to slowly attract every straight girl there ever was?  If you re-read that entry, the ending doesn’t exactly go in my favor, does it?  If anything you should be thanking me because they all eventually end up going back to their big, strong, protective men who can do everything for them I can.
  2. When you say “us good straight guys,” I’m assuming you’re saying that as an indirect parallel to “you bad gay women?”  Are you in such disbelief as a single straight man that it must be the fault of another (lesbians) why you haven’t found a (good) woman yet?
  3. When you use the phrase “good woman,” are you implying that all the women you’ve been interested in (or have rejected you) have been bad women?  Are you saying that lesbians only attract the “good women,” ultimately leaving you with rotten ones to choose from?
  4. To VeryTrue, are lesbians everywhere these days?  If they are, can you PLEASE fuckin’ point to their general direction because I cannot for the life of me hone in on one.  Instead, I find myself hanging from the lips of your “good (straight) women.”  And I would gladly trade your straight women for my dapper dyke, lusty lesbian,  Femme female, anyday.
  5. You’re telling me that the number of lesbians have increased so rapidly that you actually find it hard to find a straight woman from the population?
  6. You too, used the phrase “good woman.”  Refer back to #3.

 

If after reading my questions  you cannot clearly reach my conclusion, I will spell it out for you:  LESBIANS ARE NOT THE REASON MEN ARE  (supposedly) HAVING  DIFFICULTIES FINDING GOOD WOMEN!  If anything, I see so many good women wasting their time with less-than-stellar men, and if I did have  lesbian powers (aside from some skills we have *wink*), I would use them to steal all your good women.  That would be pointless though because I’d rather have a woman who wants me in the same way I want her.  Now if anymore men find themselves hovering on my page (actually how did you find this blog?  Googling lesbian porn?), I hope you use your logic and intellect before making hilarious comments.

 

You’re The Only Single One… In Your Group… Of Straight Friends…

10 Apr

Month after month, your friends and acquaintances repeat to you “Be patient… there’s someone out there for everyone.”  But is there really?  Truly, in the depths of my hopeless romantic soul, I do believe this.  But then reality slaps me back into this atmosphere, eyes wide open, and I can’t help but to observe it’s happening for everyone but the lone lesbian.  Or at least seemingly everyone (because obviously it’s not all of my friends… yet).  It just seems so easy for them to glide in and out of relationships and hookups.  Where do I sign up?

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How do you even date in the lesbian world?!  If you’re currently in an environment where there are no quality lesbian bars to choose from (or none at all), you’re pretty much stuck in a rut.  When you go out with your straight friends, you go to straight bars/clubs.  They’re kind of the most depressing places on earth because you have to get drunk enough to: 1) dance with whatever gross guy approaches you with no rhythm.  2) ignore the fact that all your friends are making out with someone and there you are swirling your drink(s).  3) build up enough bravado to approach the women you find attractive (and most likely get graciously denied).  I think the Tumblr post above states it best:  “Dating in the gay world is like finding a job.  You either do it on the internet or get referred.”  Well I must be doing something incorrectly because I have yet to be referred or found Internet gold in the dating or job world!  Not that I’m in a hurry or anything but I wouldn’t mind having a little distraction.  Also, having people repeatedly ask me if there are any girls in my life is getting tiresome.  I know being a lesbian automatically put me in the category of “get ready to never date anyone” because only ~3-6% of the American population identify as something other than heterosexual, but I didn’t think it would be this difficult.  Again, I know my environment at the moment can account for some of the difficulties I’m facing.  Although I think I’m thankful that I’m not caught up in a lesbian scene because based on personal accounts posted on various websites, it can get messy and everyone seems to have been recycled.  I mean, you know “The Chart” (Another L Word reference…  DO YOU SEE HOW MONUMENTAL THAT SHOW WAS TO LESBIANS EVERYWHERE?!  CAN WE BRING IT BACK PLEASE? OR SOMETHING LIKE IT?!  IN AMERICA?!).

 

P.S. all my pictures all clickable to the original source of the photo.

So how do we handle this situation?  Luckily we find ourselves in an era where hundreds of digital dating tools are at our fingertips.  We have dating websites like OkCupid and whatever the name of that site Facebook constantly advertises on my page (Sapphos, I think?).  We also have iPhone apps like Tinder and Grindr.  I’ve briefly browsed OkCupid a few times and each time I’m either underwhelmed with the suggestions or creeped out by the approach of many of its users.  Maybe one day I’ll return and give it another shot.  As for Tinder, I’ve heard it’s kind of fun and creepy to use but they do have a “girls only” option!  Now you may be thinking to yourselves ahh tech dating… yeah right.  Believe me, I still think that way in a sense.  My mind (or heart) still believes that I’ll find a version of love during some random encounter like in the movies.  However, it’s 2013!  Why not make use of all your resources?  If none of those suggestions specifically created for dating work for you, maybe you’ll get lucky and find some random on Tumblr or in the comments section of a lesbian website.  You just never know…

Sometimes when I’m left alone with my thoughts I often wonder if I were straight, would I have a boyfriend right now?  We’ll never know… I have a handful of guy friends who I think came into my life because we are soul mates.  I think they are truly the greatest and kindest souls on the planet and yet somehow every single one of them are single.  When we talk about dating and our chronic singledom, they always tell me that I’m much more interesting and intriguing than the straight girls they’ve met (I mean I probably am, haha).  In response I always tell them that they’re much easier to deal with than the lesbian/bisexual/bicurious girls I’ve ever met.  It’s a hilarious cycle of conversation.  Maybe I’d feel better if I had a really close lesbian friend who was also single and could share my sentiments.  Until I get that friend or have Fate place a stunning lady in my path, I think I’ll make an honest effort in concentrating on improving myself and reaching my goals.