How I Feel When I Hear Men Talk About Women

15 Jul

One of the stereotypes that self-identifying lesbians have sprawled on their résumés is “man-hating monsters with severe penis envy”.  Obviously this is grossly incorrect.  We don’t have penis envy because the ones we can purchase perform better and look prettier than the actual thing.  Also incorrect because there are many men in my life who I think quite highly of and I’m sure many other lesbians feel the same.  However, recently I have been finding myself completely and utterly disgusted with men and the things they say about women and how they say it.

I’ve grown up around men my entire life.  My dad, my twin brother, and my older brother have done a wonderful job helping me grow as a woman.  Granted, I’ve heard them say some things here and there, but I always made sure to acknowledge that the comment(s) they made are unacceptable.  I remember being in High School and listening to groups of guys talking about the latest and hottest “ass” on the market.  Before I was aware of my sexuality, I remember hearing these things and feeling a special kind of anger developing inside me.  I didn’t feel as though they were insulting me, but rather the type of beings I held closely to my heart.  These were the beings I wanted to love more than friends, and there they were–casually talking about them like pieces of meat.  Overtime I kind of felt like an honorary guy  because hanging out with the guys was easy for me.  They didn’t intimidate me and I sure as hell was not trying to impress anyone, therefore allowing me access to these… discussions.

It wasn’t until college that I began to understand and witness just how many men truly objectify women and to what extent.  Sitting in on a conversation full of (certain) men is one of my visions of hell.  For hours the conversation is focused on rating women and their level of attractiveness and their “fuckability.”  I’m sure plenty of girl friends sit around and talk about men like this in a similar fashion, but I’m almost certain it does not sound as violating and volatile as it does coming from the mouths of men.  I also know that not every group of male friends talk about women as if they were items, and I am truly thankful appreciative for you gentlemen.

Oftentimes I think men feel comfortable talking like that in front of me because they think as a lesbian I see women in the same light as they do.  They’re wrong.  So wrong.  Sometimes I feel as though they observe women in harsh fluorescent lighting while I admire them under Magic Hour lighting during the changing of the seasons.  I feel protective of women everywhere at all times.  Even when I don’t know the woman a man may be “discussing,” if I hear something wildly inappropriate and downright rude, I will make an effort to help him see his error.  I don’t hate men.  I just hate how it seems as though many are unaware of the misogyny ingrained in their minds.  Degrading and objectifying women is so normalized for them that they truly cannot hear the error in their words-their thoughts.

But maybe I’m being unfair.  I’m not exactly sure how groups of lesbian friends discuss other women.  I’m sure it varies just like other friend groups.  I’m also sure their words  wouldn’t affect me as much in comparison to men.  I haven’t had the opportunity to have a group of close lesbian friends yet.  The lesbian friends I do have, speak about women as if they put the stars in the sky.  Ok maybe not to that extent, but it’s pretty damn close I would say.  I’m sure there are times when I’ve talked about women in unsavory ways, but I (and everyone else) know that at the end of the day women are the sexiest most powerful beings in my eyes.

Men… I know you’re not all misogynistic dickwads.  Stop trying to be all macho in front of your friends and let them know how you truly feel about the ladies.  Be poetic about it.  Women are so beautiful.  They birthed your asses, remember?  If your friends say something and in your heart you know it’s not cool, let them know.  Unless you really do think women are here for your satisfaction only, then by all means keep doing what you’re doing!

P.S. my apology for the huge gap in my posting.  I’ve been a tad busy.  Also, I generally only like to write about things that truly move me and it takes a while for me to somewhat organized thoughts.

P.P.S. If you haven’t started watching the Netflix series “Orange Is The New Black”, I’m going to need you to open Netflix AS SOON AS YOU’RE DONE READING THIS.  There is so much “lesbian activity” (show reference).  Also, HOT DONNA FROM THAT 70s SHOW IS A SEXY LESBIAN CRIMINAL.  WHAT MORE DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?!


3 Responses to “How I Feel When I Hear Men Talk About Women”

  1. V1Vr July 16, 2013 at 6:36 pm #

    I get excited when I see that you have posted new thoughts, and even though I’m sure that you have a target audience (to which I do not belong), I hope that you don’t mind that I reply…and reply honestly.

    I agree that every man, at some time, objectifies at least one woman in his life. I don’t think that it is right, but I do think that it is, to some extent, natural. Just as other animals in the kingdom, humans use visual appeal to attract a mate. A peacock shakes his tail feathers to attract a female, just as a human will diet excessively or dress to accentuate certain body parts to achieve the same goal, male or female. These natural urges are more than encouraged by media and advertising outlets who profit by encouraging objectification. That apparent condoning of such behavior teaches younger men and women to.dress in a manner that opens themselves up to be treated as objects. “She may not be a prostitute, but she’s wearing the uniform.” –Chris Rock.
    I am not saying this to justify the behavior, but to try and understand why it is there in the first place.

    I promise you that objectification is not unique to the male gender, however it seems to be more overt. Traditionally, it is the male role to initiate contact in a heterosexual relationship, so it stands to reason that the male would be more vocal in his acknowledgement of the attributes that draw him to his potential mate. However, as I have observed in my gay friends, when there is no differentiation in gender, either party is just as likely to initiate contact. I have heard the most raunchy observations from people that I would never have thought would make them. Maybe because gay men and women are more attuned to their sexuality than others who have not been forced to be so introspective…I don’t know, but there is no shortage of objectification in the gay community, male and female. I’m not saying it’s wrong, just that it is.

    Seeing someone as a person takes maturity. It takes the ability to see through the smokescreen that societal norms have trained us to appreciate. In addition, maturity is not a function of age, unfortunately. Some people never achieve maturity…which is why we still have professional wrestling an reality TV. 🙂

    I was going to reply immediately, until I read the section relating to the light under which women are viewed. That entry made me do some thinking about myself and how I would reply. I will definitely try to use more Magic Hour lighting in my observations of people in general. Thank you for that, for lack of a better term, technique…or maybe philosophy.

    Thank you , again, for sharing your thoughts. I’m sorry I got long-winded.

    • quarternotelife July 16, 2013 at 11:19 pm #

      I love when you reply! No apologies necessary. Your thoughts are always more than appreciated and I hope everyone who reads my entries also read the comment section. You too, help me look at things under new lightning.

      • V1Vr July 22, 2013 at 11:59 pm #

        I have a kind of outside of the box idea for you, but I don’t really want to broadcast it. I am sitting in a little cafe on Davie St. in Vancouver when you posted, and it inspired me to tell you. Since there is no “message” button on your site, email me if you are interested…if not, I completely understand.

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