Are Gay Men Averagely More Attractive Than Lesbians?

17 May

I don’t want to start this post with pictures of people because it’ll make me feel shallow and judgmental.  I’m bringing this topic to the surface because it is something that I’ve heard many heterosexual and homosexual people make mention of.  When I surf pictures of gay pride rallies and other events where there are large crowds of LGBTQ people, I can’t help but notice that the average level of attractiveness of the gay men seems to be quite a bit higher than that of the lesbians.  I even can speak from personal experience.  When I went to pride in my Midwestern hometown, it just seemed like the men present were averagely more attractive than the lesbians.  What do I mean by attractive?

The definition of “attractive” is so subjective that I’m not even sure what I mean by attractive.  I suppose for an elementary and basic definition, I can use physical health as a starting point.  Physical health meaning weight, condition of the skin, teeth, etc.  I feel like people will label me shallow as soon as they read this, but I  don’t think there is anything wrong with being attracted to people who take care of their physique and like to keep their skin/hair/teeth/etcc in optimal condition as well.

It’s not a secret that there is an existing stereotype that seemingly many lesbians are overweight and unhealthy (equating to unattractiveness using my basic definition).  A hospital in Boston even received significant funds to conduct a study to “examine the interplay in gender and sexual orientation in obesity disparities (excuse me if my source is too unreliable, I did not have time to sift through scholarly articles… If any exist).”  However terrible and judgmental stereotypes are, they exist in partial truths.

When I talk to my heterosexual friends and even my gay friends about gay men, I hardly hear anyone mention unattractive (physical) features.  Usually the first words I hear when someone is describing a gay man is how beautiful they are.  Their perfectly primped hair,  amazing physique that a woman would  kill for, their cleanliness, and their pristine wardrobes.  Why is that?  Does it have to do with stereotypes and gender roles and how gay men seem to transition to a more effeminate look after coming out while gay women masculinize their look?  We’re raised to find feminine features beautiful, even on men.  So feminine=attractiveness?

Obviously I know everything is based on ones perception.  I also know that my experience is based off of my location in the world.  In the Midwest, people are more overweight here than in other parts of the country.  I have a friend who comes home from Seattle a few times a year and each time she comes back to Ohio she always makes a note about how much larger people are in Ohio in comparison to Washington.  However, I have friends in California, New York, and D.C. who tell me regularly how attractive the lesbians are there.  Their definition of attractive usually includes something describing their physiques.  At this moment in my life, fitness is a pretty important attribute to me.  I workout pretty regularly and try not to be completely reckless about what I eat.  Considering those things are important to me, I also think it’s reasonable for me to be attracted to someone who also feels somewhat similarly.

(Let me clarify that just because I think I would want to date someone with similar physical routines as me, does not mean I discriminate against those who do not share the same routine as me.)

I’m not sure if I accomplished what I wanted to with this post, but I really just wanted to discuss this topic because I know it’s crossed some minds a few times.
What’s your take?


5 Responses to “Are Gay Men Averagely More Attractive Than Lesbians?”

  1. anon May 17, 2013 at 5:37 am #

    The flaw in this is that you’re judging lesbians on heterosexist/sexist beauty norms that can be detrimental to women- and a lot of the lesbians have the good sense not to buy into these after dealing with their attraction to women- and being outside of the norm on this.

    Also I wouldn’t say that gay women masculinize their looks. As much as society may want to deem me “masculine” I’m simply a woman in my natural state without the added aspects of femininity- primping, plucking, bleaching, toning, make up, etc etc. I’m still feminine because I’m still a woman and hate when even other gay people think I’m masculine- somehow not getting that I’m nothing like a man.

    So yeah- we might not match standard beauty norms and might not be using femininity like gay men do to distinguish themselves from straight men, but we’re still totally attractive.

    • quarternotelife May 17, 2013 at 2:37 pm #

      I am definitely not denying the attractiveness factor! Like I state earlier in the post I’m most likely talking about physical health conditions, not necessarily how masculine and/or feminine a lesbian might be. I don’t care about that. My point in mentioning masculinity/femininity was moreso because of how I hear people talking about gay men and women, and gender presentation was a main focus.

  2. anonymous May 17, 2013 at 5:59 pm #

    fat does not equal unhealthy – please stop making assumptions about what a person’s health is like based on their weight. what about bears in the gay male community? that’s an entire community prided on its weight and amount of body hair and certainly not on its feminine aspects. this post is inherently flawed and does make you sound really shallow. it’s difficult to feel for your dating woes when you aren’t willing to look past a person’s weight or hair quality or teeth status as to whether or not they’d be datable. you have to realize you could be ignoring potentially wonderful people just because they’ve got love handles/a gap tooth/less than perfect hair, right? there’s a difference between having a preference and being all about the superficial. and you’re making incredibly broad generalizations – “how gay men seem to transition to a more effeminate look after coming out while gay women masculinize their look” – what do you even mean by this? how is this supportive and loving towards your own community? this is detrimental to the lesbian community because you’re judging women based on heteronormative standards of beauty: how are we supposed to sympathize with you as a lesbian when you’re holding fellow lesbians to straight standards of attractiveness?

    • quarternotelife May 17, 2013 at 7:17 pm #

      The first sentence of this post explains that I’m writing about this topic because it is something that exists. It’s a topic I often read about and hear about so I thought I should too discuss it from various angles. I do make mention that the definition of “attractive” is subjective. I am aware of the bear community but that’s a community that’s not as visible as the gay men we tend to hear of. I don’t think my post is flawed because I didn’t specifically label these as truths. I bring them up as more of a discussion point. And I can tell you I’ve never “dated” anyone who would fit the standards of beauty. My “broad generalization” WAS JUST A SUGGESTIVE IDEA. That’s why there are question marks after each sentence. They’re not statements, they’re questions. I don’t think this is detrimental to the lesbian community because I’m bringing to light what some other lesbians are feeling and thinking (based on things I’ve heard friends say and things I’ve read). I would not have written on this topic if I didn’t think it was something a handful of lesbians do think about sometimes. What about the lesbians who do feel the way I discuss in this post? Should we just ignore their feelings or thoughts? I write to promote discussion mostly, not to be judgmental. As a person of color in the LGBT community, I’ve learned a lot to be accepting of everyone different than me. Also, based on the reviews I’m getting on my other site, there are other lesbians that acknowledge having the same curiosity.

  3. Chrissy October 23, 2013 at 9:22 pm #

    Hm. I just came across this topic doing a Google search. I think you bring up interesting points.

    I think one reason gay men might tend look better than lesbians is because men are more visual. Therefore, gay men dress to please other men visually.

    Whereas women are more emotional and consider the personality to be more attractive than just physical looks.

    I know these are generalizations but this might be an explanation.

    So, do you also think women are lesbians because they cant get a man has some truth to it.I l always hated that saying but what do you think

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