Ah… The L Word, we meet again. The show was so perfect because it really made an effort to address essentially all issues pertaining to lesbians no matter how farfetched the plot eventually became. Dana hits the nail on the head sharing with Tina her frustrating and repetitive habit of being attracted to straight girls. I, Dana Fairbanks, am all too familiar with that activity. In fact, it’s largely all I’ve ever known… Going through this event is a rite of passage of sorts for baby dykes, but for me it’s no longer a rite of passage but expected occurrence.
If I could be psychic and warn my future self not to gain any feelings or attachments to particular girls, I would. But alas I have no special powers and am constantly left to slowly drown in heartbreak followed by feeling like a complete and utter moron for being falsely seduced by straight girls. Is it my fault? I suppose some of the blame can be put on me but then again, can you really help who you fall for?
If my numbers are correct, my count of “straight girls I have fallen for/all have had some physical contact with me” is currently too high for my liking. How does this happen? Generally, it begins as a friendship like most relationships, but feelings ultimately evolve as the two get closer and someone does or says something that is outside what is considered the platonic realm. I know women tend to be more nurturing and emotional creatures so it is not too strange for female friendships to be more intimate than male friendships. But it’s a whole different softball game when one member of the friendship is attracted to the same sex. I don’t know how I find these girls or how they find me, but ever since 8th grade I’ve managed to befriend a girl who identifies as straight but ends up locking lips with me on more than one occasion along with confessing, in one way or another, their (not-so-sounding-platonic) love for me. When I’m attracted to someone I let them know by my actions and words, even if it’s a girl who generally dates men ( I CAN’T HELP IT). I think it’s up to them to sit your ass down and be like “Look… I love you you big dyke. But I’m not into you like that.” The earlier that conversation happens the better because you can begin the healing process and possibly get back to being just good friends. Thankfully, all of my straight
mistakes learning experiences have done that for me even if it was much too late in the friendship and after multiple times of embracing each other with our lips and cuddling.
The most difficult part of getting past the “I’ve fallen for a straight girl and can’t get up” is believing them when they say they’re straight. It doesn’t matter how many times they kiss you, how many times they cuddle with you, how many gifts they give you, how many times they tell you things remind them of you… THEY ARE STRAIGHT. Or maybe they aren’t straight but don’t feel comfortable labeling themselves as anything else but straight (labels are for cans) because the whole situation is new and different for them. In that case it’s not up to you to force them into something they’re not ready to address in their lives. The second most difficult part of moving on is moving on. How do you get past someone you felt so deeply for? I’m the wrong person to ask because when I decide I like someone, I like them long past the expiration date. Writing, crying, reading, playing (guitar) and talking to friends have all helped me with the healing process. When all else fails… watch a Hannah Hart video. This one in particular:
Hannah says it best I think. Someone will eventually come along and think everything you do is super duper cute and they’ll reciprocate the feelings you have for them 100% and not just half the time. I know it’s hard but you just have to be patient and know that there is nothing wrong with you because you were rejected by a straight girl.